Until I joined Breakthru Fitness, the most challenging exercise I had put my body through was bending to find the remote control under the couch. Its greatest asset — among the 70 classes a week in a fully equipped center with big-screen TVs always airing the Food Network — is the Adult Total Conditioning class. ATC is meant to make an athlete of anyone, regardless of level of fitness: It's great for those who are in shape but looking for something new, and perfect for those who break a sweat brushing their teeth and require a Rosetta stone just to understand exercise lingo. (Seriously, what are burpees?) Unlike any other method, ATC delivers some major results. The cunning use of weights, climbing rope, giant rubber bands, kettle bells and sandbags not only brings out your inner model, but also increases your endurance, metabolism, flexibility and speed. Noel, one of the trainers, who is part stand-up comedian, part fitness gestapo, will make sure you don't finish without drowning in your own sweat. (Which reminds me, ladies, if you're there to meet a guy, don't bother. Your makeup will melt like a pack of crayons left on the dashboard in August.) The workouts are always different, and they beat striding aimlessly on the machines like hamsters. Breakthru is a far cry from the overcrowded gyms that smell like an indoor kiddie pool, and instead of employing high school football jocks has compiled a group of fantastic professional fitness artists who will take the shapeless blob that you are and sculpt you into a thing of health and beauty. 345 S. Lake Ave., Pasadena. (626) 396-1700, Breakthrufitness.com.