My husband is developing handlebar eyebrows. Unfortunately, that does not qualify him to enter the Friends of the Silver Lake Library's First Annual Beard and Mustache Competition. Whether you have an artful facial thicket à la Tom Selleck, Rollie Fingers, Freddie Mercruy, Ron Burgundy or the Monopoly guy, you can enter — no later than December 19 — and win not only a bottles of wine or a tattoo gift cards, but the respect of your those poor dudes whose beards look more like dirt than anything else. Writer/stubble scholar Joel Stein is the judge, and performing is the Dick and Jane Family Orchestra (pictured), who do a one-of-kind cabaret act that's sultry and hilarious, with chanteusy Jane Cantillon out-Nico-ing Nico on classic Velvet Underground tunes. Says Dick of his rather regal goatee, “I told Jane I wanted a beard, but she said that meant something else in Silver Lake.” The Silver Lake Library, 2411 Glendale Blvd. Silver Lake; Tues., Dec. 20, 6 p.m.; free. (323) 913-7451.

Tue., Dec. 20, 6 p.m., 2011

LA Weekly