Park on the street and enter the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences Sculpture Court through the Magnolia Boulevard drive. As you walk, enjoy the soothing strains of adult-contemporary pop eerily issuing from the concrete stanchions. Yes, it reassures, you have entered the hallowed grounds of the lowest common denominator. Your heart surges as you sight one of the seven wonders of the San Fernando Valley — it's the golden Emmy Fountain, topped by a heroic, 30-foot reproduction of the small screen's most ubiquitous statuette. You nervously look for a friendly face and gasp in recognition. Yes — Heeere's Johnny! — cast in full-figure bronze and standing mere feet from you (funny, you expected the late Tonight Show host to be taller). But at whom is Mr. Carson beaming? It's Lucy and Desi — and you love Lucy! Proceed to the stately Pedestals of Fame. They're all here — faces dearer to you than your own family's: busts of Landon and Disney cheek by jowl with Sevareid; Danny Thomas and Cosby in a grouping with — is that David Susskind? Over here, Kovacs, Gleason and Carney; behind them, Newhart, Alda and Hope. There's Berle and Tyler Moore, Cronkite and Como. Reeling, you lean for support on a pedestal still tantalizingly empty. Inspiration strikes. Whipping out your cell, you phone your agent. “Book me auditions,” you hiss, “more auditions for pilot season!” 5220 Lankershim Blvd., N. Hlywd. (818) 754-2800,

—Bill Raden

Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting LA Weekly and our advertisers.