We here in the medical marijuana capital of the nation think drug testing is, in general, invasive and, frankly, un-American. Freedom also applies to your highness.

But … we'll make an exception for synthetic marijuana and bath salts, two recently outlawed drugs that make ecstasy look like a miracle cure for over-achievers. In other words, these particular substances have no redeeming qualities, even among recreational pros.

One drug testing company has come to the rescue to help rid America of face-eating cannibals everywhere:

Omega Laboraties announced this week that it can now test for synthetic pot (K2, Spice, et. al.) and the dreaded bath salts.

And it can do so through oral swabs. Wow.

Last month the Synthetic Drug Abuse Prevention Act went into effect from coast-to-coast. It bans these horrific drugs. For once we're on the side of prohibition.

Not the good stuff.; Credit: DEA

Not the good stuff.; Credit: DEA

There are too many bath salts freak-outs to mention here, but our colleague Simone Wilson started off a recent list of them with this guy:

Glendale 20-year-old Robert White was arrested last week after allegedly going on a rampage with a shovel — swinging it wildly at birds before turning it on some poor old lady, saying, “I hate you and I want to kill you today.”

As far as the synth-weed goes, in a town where bionic medical cannabis is still (barely) legal, why would anyone go near this stuff?

Omega is too kind in describing this particular high-tech weed as being …

… created by taking plant-based substances and spraying them with toxic chemicals which mimic the effects of marijuana. Currently identified health risks include stroke, catatonia, and temporary paralysis.

Yeah. Or: Delusions, thoughts of suicide and as many as three months of psychotic episodes after using the crap.

John Vitullo, CEO of Omega Laboratories:

Omega's primary concern has always been to ensure public safety.

On that note, please test Andy Dick for us.

[@dennisjromero / djromero@laweekly.com / @LAWeeklyNews]

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