When LA Weekly music writer Drew Tewksbury posted this Craigslist ad on Facebook, we just had to check it out.

It's the best ad ever for what amounts to an East Hollywood apartment that appears quite dumpy by this Westsider's stuck-up standards. But it was written so persuasively that we're ready to move in. Now.

Not only are we told that the place has a “MASSIVE kitchen … with a GARBAGE DISPOSAL,” but we're also informed that the place comes with “BUILT-IN” air conditioning, “cause …

… it is hotter than Satan's balls right now … “

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Here's the body of the ad in its entirety:

So you were going through Craigslist today and were like “Man, I really like sleeping and shit, but I don't want to start giving plasma to pay rent and prostitution is so competitive, how am I ever gonna get my own place???!”

We got your back: check out this kickass single. This bad boy has freaking storage like you ain't neva seen before, a freaking MASSIVE kitchen (and that stove and refrigerator? yeah, they're included, yo) with a GARBAGE DISPOSAL (so you don't have to dig out shit with your hands cause that's straight up rank). Hardwood floors so you can pour an entire jarof Nutella on 'em and roll around like a diabetic Scrooge McDuck, a big ol' bathroom with tile, a BUILT-IN a/c cause it is hotter than Satan's balls right now, and free street parking!

Call 323-***-**** to see this mother.

It's right by the Metro and some weirdass Mexican place with good food.

Yep. We had to call this Craigslist user up right away. Turns out she's a — you guessed it — writer.

Jennifer Diffley told us she manages an apartment building down the street and was helping out a neighboring landlord while making some extra cash to pay off student loans from her days at NYU.

The school (and time working at New York magazine) taught her well.

Credit: Diffley / LinkedIn

Credit: Diffley / LinkedIn

Diffley wants a job at LA Weekly. We think she has the skills to go straight to the Times.

She says she's received lots of calls about the place so far. The best, she told us, was from …

… a big black guy offering to not make me lonely in exchange for reducing the deposit.

She turned him down. 'Cause prostitution is so competitive these days.

[@dennisjromero / djromero@laweekly.com / @LAWeeklyNews]

LA Weekly