An open call to Los Angeles' sexual deviants:

TLC/Discovery is looking for swingers — in the form of couples, please — between the ages of 30 and 50 and of all backgrounds (within reason, people) to appear in an upcoming production that delves into the lifestyle. And not in the way, say, MTV would do it.

A little bumble bee buzzed in my ear this morning (the sound came either from the cellphone under my pillow or the Hitachi between my legs) and told me that the folks behind “My Strange Addiction” and the embarrassingly addictive “A Wedding Story” are on the lookout for interview subjects.

The doc isn't ALL about swingers, but it's focusing on those of us who lead alternative lifestyles. I hear it'll be tasteful, respectful and accurate in terms of how the topics will be portrayed — granted that's what they ALL say.

A few years ago, relatively fresh working in the business side of the adult industry, I was hit up by an MTV casting director looking for subjects for an episode of “True Life” about working in porn. Not just in front of the camera, either — they wanted a real live human whose job it was to make the gears turn behind the scenes.

But as they interviewed me, their questions took a turn for the dramatic and it was clear they wanted to find someone who a) led a secret life, hiding her profession from her family and friends; b) had crazy hair, lots of piercings and tattoos, and couldn't find Mr. Right; or c) all of the above, plus something else totally effed up that would make him/her seem like a hopeless case who's ruined his/her life as a result of the adult-related profession.

From our conversation, it became obvious that I had my shit together and instead they decided to go with a straight guy who does gay porn who was willing to “come out” to his family; a nutjob chick who worked as office manager at a porn studio in the Valley and couldn't find a date to save her life; and some other forgettable figure who was made out to look like a sad mess with a precarious future.

But that's Viacom's take on porn. They need those types of dramatic disaster cases to keep people watching. (“Teem Mom” anyone?)

Discovery Networks classes things up a bit, shedding light onto parts of society that we don't normally get to experience. Besides, I'm not the only cultured soul who loves to learn about the history of sex culture, how that god-fearing baby machine keeps pumping out well-behaved children, and what toilet paper might taste like.

So if any of you couples out there like to swap partners and party together, and you just celebrated a birthday that keeps you in the 30-50 range, email the producer for details.

Only serious applicants, please. This is serious swing business.

Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting LA Weekly and our advertisers.