Dear Mexican: I am a young, 22-year-old gay Chicano, and I love Mexican men. I’m everything a gay Mexican could wish for. I work full time. I don’t do drugs. But all the gay Mexican hombres in Kansas City just want white guys! I think this might be because in Mexico, the only white people these guys see are tourists, so Mexicans view gabachos as having money and offering a better opportunity for a successful relationship. Why can’t I get a nice Mexican guy? Should I assimilate more to white standards? (I always speak Spanish with the guys I meet, I always want to make enchiladas, horchata, and I use Suavitel with Ariel laundry detergent.) If any cute, nice Mexican gays should read this, give a Chicano a chance!

—Mariposa Sin Estar Descubrido

Dear Butterfly Without Getting Discovered: So you work full time and don’t do drugs. Big deal. I know muchos gays who fit that description and ain’t getting Mexican male ass either. I can tell you how to score more brown nalgas, but you seem too nice for the Marines. And don’t worry, Butterfly: Although I sympathize with your plight, I also see hope. I get many letters from straight beaners moaning about how Mexican men and women eschew their own kind in favor of gabachos. Your case is further proof that jotos can be as superficial as Mexican heteros — an important first step in the battle to improve the status of gays in Mexico from “target practice” to “human trash.”

Dear Readers: Gracias to all of ?ustedes who submitted pictures for my racist Mexican restaurant logo contest — they were all muy bueno. Winners will be announced in a couple of weeks.

LA Weekly