This April, let us celebrate the glory of the flowers blossoming in vaginal fashion by only highlighting shows created by women. The list will be shorter than usual because Hollywood hates women, and we aren’t allowed to create magical stuff, and the world is worse off because of it. Anyways, enjoy!
The White Princess (Starz), April 16
Co-created by showrunner Emma Frost, this eight-episode sequel to The White Queen, also based on a Philippa Gregory novel, covers Elizabeth of York's marriage to King Henry VII — that prince of men, that king of old England, that gross old bastard. I will gorge myself on this historical fiction ambrosia until I'm as stuffed as Elizabeth's son, Henry VIII, after a nice feast of seal and porpoise. (Which is to say I will be both delighted and disgusted. Bottoms up!)
Famous in Love (Freeform), April 18
Bella Thorne stars in I. Marlene King and Rebecca Searle’s new series adaptation of Searle’s novel about your average stunningly gorgeous college student who gets cast in a huge Hollywood movie. If you’re a grown-ass woman who didn’t fantasize about exactly this happening to you when you got into college, come sit with me because you’re a goddamned beautiful liar and I need you to teach me your deviant ways.
Girlboss (Netflix), April 21
Created by 30 Rock/Pitch Perfect scribe Kay Cannon, this 13-episode take on Nasty Gal founder Sophia Amoruso's autobiography should be … interesting. Amoruso is a thirsty entrepreneurial firebrand who liked to play fast and loose with her ethical responsibilities to her employees, so it’ll be fun to see how Cannon handles that. If she fucks it up, 10 dollars that Amoruso cuts off her face and wears it as a necklace. Oh, and if there isn’t a wedding registry episode, I’m gonna burn all of television down.
Mary Kills People (Lifetime), April 23
Tara Amstrong’s dark comedy about a single mom who's an ER doctor by day and an underground euthanasia angel by night sounds like it might be our new Nurse Jackie? It stars Hannibal's Caroline Dhavernas, who is used to trafficking in dead people, and I'm excited to see her act opposite some more dead people.The first season already aired in Canada, where it was a big hit, and since our neighbors to the north are no longer a cultural punching bag because we're now an actual trash nation, that means something. Show some respect.
Great News (NBC), April 25
Created by talented Tina Fey protégé Tracey Wigfield, this sitcom is about a mom who gets an internship in her daughter’s newsroom and classic hijinks ensue. Queen Andrea Martin plays the mom, so basically this could be a stack of steaming caca and I would still want to put a ring on it.
Catastrophe (Amazon), April 28
This show’s third season is only gonna be six episodes long because GD BRITISH PEOPLE ARE RUINING MY LIFE. Catastrophe, co-created by co-star Sharon Horgan, is hilarious and weird and perfect and I want 23 episodes just like President Donald Trump said I deserve and is my birthright as an American. Get with the program before I Brexit! (JK I’ll never leave you, but can I have an eight-year visa, please?)