John Mayer's going to get some action this week. Just, you know, in case you're wondering. He's come up with this plan, and it's called the Mayercraft Carrier 2, the sequel to last year's maiden voyage (so to speak). It's a brilliant concept: invite fans over spring break to go on a five day cruise with their favorite guitarist/singer/songwriter/bachelor; don't forget the booze, food, comfort and bikinis.
Last night Mayer and VH1 invited a few hundred people aboard the Mayercraft Carrier (pictured above, in actuality the Carnival Splendor) for a night of drink, food, music and orgasmic women screaming “I LOVE YOU JOHN” in unison. Performers for the show included a bunch of handsome men with bongos and acoustic guitars (OAR, Guster, Gavin Rossdale) and women who understand (Sara Bereilles, Jordin Sparks); the proceeds for the show go to VH1's Save the Music Foundation, which helps fund music education in public schools.
Most of the people in attendance, however, were guests who had paid in around $1,000 to go on a five day cruise with Mayer and other singer/songwriters. That trip embarks at noon today, and those floating along were invited to come a night early and enjoy the concert. It became apparent within a few minutes that the majority of those signing up were, first, female, and second, on spring break. Or post-college women looking for a little fun. Or divorcees wanting to get away. Or cougars going because they could. Or women and their husbands, who were no doubt trying to fix a troubled relationship (probably for some sort Mayerian indiscretion). Basically, the girl-to-guy ratio was about eight to one.
The night began early. Guests were invited to board the Mayercraft before dusk, and wander the luxurious, floating Las Vegas cheese-boat at will. All the bars and restaurants were open, and for the next three hours we wandered from spot to spot. The ladies were drinking, and they were ready for their Sensitive Man Songs, a genre which was well represented at the evening's concert.
After a nice Hotel Cafe-ish set by Erin McCarley, who had an awesome tassled guitar strap, the roadies carried out the bongos, and you knew the night was ready to get deep. The four men of Guster, who are back together after a few years' break when they were busy having children, walked out, and we greeted them warmly. They smiled, and said they were happy to be back. This caused a few coos in the sold out crowd, which took place in the Mayercraft Carrier's plasticine auditorium.
OAR, five college friends from Ohio State who earned their musical success on campuses, then came out to perform their biggest hit, “Shattered (Turn the Car Around)” They sang:
Stumble out, in the night
From the pouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There's more I need
It's always back to you
The crowd actually applauded after he said, “I'll always turn the car around.”
After Sara Bereilles performed her pretty songs about, um, feelings and stuff, Gavin Rossdale came out with another fella. The two strapped on their guitars and got down to business. Rossdale, surely you know, is married to Gwen Stefani. They have children together, and seem to have a very solid marriage. The ladies seemed to admire that about him, and screamed their approval every time he opened his mouth.
John Mayer! John Mayer!! OH MY GOD THAT'S JOHN MAYER AND HE'S RIGHT THERE. Sorry. He was really close, and I think he just looked at me. I know. I was pretty far away, but while he sang, he smiled my way. After his first song (I forget what it was … sorry), he welcomed the crowd, and stressed the importance of teaching children about music. The audience clapped enthusiastically. He's so conscientious. And tall. Surely he works out — maybe even pilates. Then he said of the five days ahead: “I would like to be your bartender, your coach, your stereo. If you see me in the hallway, come up to me, say hi.” (Oh yeah. Nice maneuver, Mayer.) Then he launched into Tom Petty's “Free Falling”: “She's a good girl, she's crazy 'bout Elvis/Loves Jesus, and America too.” We all sang along.
Our Hotness then introduced his special guest, American Idol winner Jordin Sparks. The two performed “Tattoo” and “Waiting for the World to Change.” Everyone sang along. It was one of those nights where you just felt like singing. It's like, there's this feeling you get when you're in the same room with your soulmate, when you're on the same wavelength — you don't have to say a word. He just knows. And he knows how to please you. Yeah, he's a bad boy. He's got his reputation, but whatever happened with him and Jennifer probably wasn't all his fault. I think I can change him. He just needs an ear to absorb what he has to say, and, sure, a shoulder to cry on. And some tender loving care. On a cruise liner. In the Pacific. Away from her. And all of his troubles. There he is. In the hallway. Our eyes meet. We share a smile. I want him for my coach. My bartender. My stereo. Bingo. What a spring break.