May is Masturbation Month!

For those of you who don't already consider every month to be one worthy of jerking it every day, here is a solid set of 30 days during which you're allowed — no, expected — to carpe diem and carpe your private parts.

Your weekly breakdown:

  • Make Me Moan Mondays
  • Twat Tickling Tuesdays
  • Wet Dream Wednesdays
  • Thumb-Fucking Thursdays
  • Full-Frontal Fridays
  • Sit on It Saturdays
  • Someone Get Me Some Gatorade Sundays

And as I say every year, stay hydrated and avoid cramping and carpal tunnel because celebrating this blessed holi-month can take a lot out of you. (Literally…see what I did there?)

Here are 5 great — and easy! — ways you can celebrate Masturbation Month this year:

1. Buy a Sex Toy. Then Use It. Alone.

They're not scary and they're not just for girls.

Ladies, try out a vibrator on your clit (if you haven't already) and if you're looking for some next-level shit try using an insertable sex toy (aka dildo) while you buzz your bean — anything solid and pretty, it doesn't have to vibrate! The filled-up feeling can intensify your orgasm, and stretching things out down there will help make the folds surrounding your clitoris (aka the “hood”) even more sensitive.

Gents, try out a Fleshlight or something that makes your hand as vaginal as possible. Smooth, stretchy materials are ideal and if you want something you can use over and over stick to something made of silicone. Jelly toys are functional but get gooey, lint-y and can turn into goop over time.

2. Masturbate in Public (But Be Smart About It.)

Easier said than done but odds are, most of you have tried it at least once. Some jerk it in traffic, others excuse themselves to the restroom for a quick break. Don't break any laws (duh) but see what you can get away with outside of your thin apartment walls.

3. Masturbate Each Other (For You Relationship Types)

For those of you with a better half, take a break from inserting yourselves into each other and try mutual masturbation. Not only is it fun, exhilarating and useful for strengthening communication skills in the bedroom (“Up to the left, a little more, no keepgoingOHGODYES!”) it also is an incredible way to build intimacy between partners.

Wear yourself out.

Wear yourself out.

4. Diddle Yourself to Sleep

Put away the melatonin and give that Ambien a break (you don't need to sleepwalk tonight). Having a good, solid orgasm is an amazing way to calm nerves, settle your thoughts, and lull your mind to a peaceful sleep.

5. Test Your Endurance

See how many orgasms you can have in one day, and how many different ways they can come. (Pun intended.) It's a great way to have a great day, but also lets you explore your body and the different ways it responds (and doesn't) to stimulation.

By the time you're ready for bed you'll either be exhausted, elated or enlightened with new-found knowledge (probably all three) and looking forward to the next day…and the next…and the next.

LA Weekly