We see a lot of Craigslist Missed Connections. Some we write about. Others we bookmark in case we need to laugh a little later on. And then there are the posts that are too good not to share with the world, and here's a small batch to set the weekend off right.

5 Craigslist Missed Connections that likely will never end up connecting:


Right, because nothing spells F-U-N faster and with more accuracy than a chick who's already depressed before you even have a chance to fornicate and then leave without cuddling.


Gee, that's tempting, but we're really not in the mood to feed our pets to some loser we've never met from the Internet. However, it's considerate of this gentleman to warn us ahead of time that, should we invite him over, he'll likely consume our cats.

Unless of course this kitty-eating promise would be considered a favor to some horrible human trolling Craigslist looking for a new home for his roommate's cat Princess while he's out of town.


Describing your potential Craigslist wife as a beautiful and blond flight attendant is like searching for the skinny guy from Silverlake wearing a plaid shirt, his sister's skinny jeans, and Converse. She could be ANYONE. You're trying to connect with a needle in a stack of bimbos, kind sir. Good luck.


Wow shooting for the stars with this one, aren't ya? With selectivity like this, any gal scanning through the Missed Connections headlines has every reason to give you a try. You've clearly got discerning taste worth admiring from afar.


Now this combines the best of all worlds. We don't have to fully sacrifice our feline friends for this one; all he wants to do is lick them, and that sounds perfectly reasonable.

He also is willing do lick our kitty right now so there's no delay waiting for him to shower, pack his overnight bag, or sharpen his knives.

And the icing on the automobile is the fact that he's got the grammatical prowess of an inmate with the appreciation for punctuation that only a fellow wordsmith can appreciate and/or masturbate to.

We just hope that, at the end of the night, somebody gets laid.

LA Weekly