Heard of vagazzling? Strippers do it. Kathy Griffin did it on live TV. And thanks to the wonders of at-home adhesive, even YOU can add little Swarovski-esque crystals applied in one of several high-fashion (*cough*) shapes:
These crystals are either applied at a fancy salon or with tweezers in your bathroom on a freshly waxed or shaved mons pubis (the technical term for the top of the vag…the mound, if you will) and left to glitter in the fluorescent lighting of your bedroom each time you disrobe.
And it was only a matter of time before the menfolk took notice and complained, “Hey! What about us?”
And that, dear readers, is how pejazzling was born.
One of our ladyfriends at Phoenix NewTimes hit us up to gush and awe at this new phallus phenomenon and it wouldn't have been fair not to spread the word to Los Angeles.
But we must say…we've heard of pejazzling for almost a year now, and in certain pockets of West Hollywood waxing salons have had the service on their menus. We suppose a blind eye was taken, as the idea of shiny plastic stones glued to private areas just doesn't make us wet.
The silly shapes are stuck onto the body similarly to the way vajazzling works. The dude shaves or waxes most of his pubes and then has the design glued just above the shaft, or maybe closer to below the belly button depending on how he wants it displayed.
However for any men out there – ones who are into girls – who are curious if pejazzling will help seal the deal out at the clubs this weekend, take note:
3 Simple Reasons Why Pejazzling Your Junk Probably Won't Get You Laid:
1. Pejazzle “jewels” aren't permanent. Sweat, rubbing and general movement can pull one or more of these tiny adornments off of the skin and…well…god knows where they might end up.
2. Unless you're about to fuck a porn star or a chick you met on the playground, there's hair down there. And while performing the grinding and cuddling that usually accompany the sex act, that hair will probably snag and get caught in the adorable skull and crossbones you glued on before dinner. That kind of discomfort is not conducive to further fornication, just FYI.
3. They're silver, white and black mini jewels stuck onto your skin using surgical glue and a steady hand and positioned in shapes worthy of amateur tattoo artists who specialize in tramp stamps.
If we pulled off your pants as we kneel to the floor only to find no pubic hair AND a diamond cross above your boner, the last thing we're gonna do is open our mouths and turn off our gag reflexes. We like your penis just the way it is.
Leave the glitter and glue to the professionals.