Adele won everything. Kanye didn't show. Nicki Minaj out-Gaga'ed Gaga by showing up with a Pope imitator as her escort. Shouldn't he have led the prayer for Whitney Houston? Beyond that, here are our picks for the best and worst of the night.
Person Most Likely to Be Mistaken for a Tranny:
Bruno Mars, whose performance makeup is the best recommendation for airbrush foundation out there. But he kind of redeemed himself for pretending to throw a tantrum when he lost Best Pop Solo Performance to Adele.
Best Unintentional Commentary:
Amy Winehouse's mother's when she saw Fergie's dress.
Tweeter of the Night: Diplo
“Damn I wish I put money on these opera Grammys. Some serious upsets right now.” “I've spent most of the Grammys at Staples Center California Pizza Kitchen talking to cougars.”
Borderline Asshole Acceptance Speech: Justin Vernon of Bon Iver
We wanted Nicki Minaj to win Best New Artist, but it went to Bon Iver, who told us, “When I started to make songs, I did it for the inherent reward of making songs.” Blah blah get off the stage.
Most Surprised to Win: Skrillex
Hand shaking, he read his thank yous off his phone and reminisced about living in a decrepit warehouse downtown. “Shoutout to the entire EDM community. I think Justice's Cross should've won a Grammy, I think Daft Punk should've won a Grammy, but … All the boats rise with the water, so I'm gonna quit talking now.”
On his third win, for Best Dance/Electronica Album: “Stop! I don't know what else to say! This is the most surreal day of my life. I don't really think I deserve this, so thank you.”
Category that Should Have Been: Best Grammy Pompadour
Contenders included Bruno Mars, Alicia Keys, Katy Perry, Taraji P. Henson and Nicki Minaj's wig.
Worst Performance We Wanted to Be Good Because Fuck Self-Righteous People: Chris Brown, “Turn Up the Music”/”Beautiful People”
Did he just do his stair-running workout? But hey, Breezy, that outrage over your being allowed to perform? Everybody's apparently forgiven and forgotten Sean Penn's repeatedly beating the shit out of Madonna, so give it a few years, adopt a liberal political stance, and you'll receive a standing ovation soon, too.
Best Throwback Hair: Rihanna's Tina Turner 'do in “We Found Love”
The Moment that Proved Grammy Producers Are Completely Out-of-Touch: The oversight of Nate Dogg during the R.I.P. tribute. One of the most recognizable voices in hip-hop history shared a screen with two other deceased artists, and they didn't even play a blip of one of his songs.
Performances that Proved Grammy Producers Are Completely Out-of-Touch: The fifteen Foo Fighters' performances.
Performance During Which Drugs Would Have Been Most Helpful: deadmau5, duh. Also, why wasn't Skrillex a part of that (weird) set? Dude won three Grammys.
Most Madonna-Inspired Moment: Nicki Minaj, “Roman's Revenge”/”Roman Holiday”
Dancing monks, body-stockinged ninjas (?), a Christmas carol, fire, fake British accent done badly = Minaj's hallucinogenic update of Madonna's “Just Like a Prayer.” But it was easily the most entertaining performance of the night.
Most Hilariously Bad Question Asked in the Press Room: “What's the best part about being married?” to the girl in Lady Antebellum.
Biggest Waste of a Question in the Press Room: “What does it mean to win this Grammy?”
Craziest Parking Lot at an After-Party: Drake's Greystone Manor party in WeHo is the default winner, because no way would we have done this more than once.
No one was getting in, not even Amerie or the guy in a suit with graying hair who probably is a silent partner in YMCMB. Suddenly, sirens screeched and the cops arrived, threatening to pepper spray people straining against the club's barricades. “I will have probable cause, too. You've been told to go home or back up,” one said. Club security started whispering Dr. Dre had arrived, but it was almost midnight and Drake hadn't even shown up yet. One thing is certain, though. We've never seen that many
Herve Leger BCBG bandage dresses in one place before.