1. Africanized honeybees. Now swarming in a location near you.
2. Tomato worms. Big, green and scary as hell, able to smell fear in an Early Girl from a distance of 2,000 yards and reduce a Big Boy to scarlet ooze in a matter of seconds. There is no recourse.
3. Flour moths. No longer in my kitchen, thank you very much. How about yours?
4. Crickets. A perennial summer
5. Mediterranean fruit flies. The
al Qaeda of the phylum Arthropoda, sneaking into California hidden in crates of moldy pineapples. If the FBI were half as vigilant as the USDA, you could be reading this right now over cocktails at Windows on the World.
6. Ladybugs. In a non-gender-specific sort of way, I hasten to add.
7. Millipedes. Big ones, and lots of ’em. Slithering out onto local riverbanks right before dark. Our own private William S. Burroughs scenario.
8. Japanese water bugs. Yeah, right.
9. Weevils. I just like saying that word. Weevils. Weeeeee-vils.
10. Rolypoly bugs. Fun for the kids, although lacking a certain subtlety. Still, what do you expect when you look under a rock, magical unicorns? Added bonus: They’re crustaceans.