The annual L.A. Auto Show is a car lover's heaven, filled with gleaming German machinery, American muscle and Japanese technology.
The eye candy is so good it's unreal. The show makes you think shamefully of your own personal beater, with its scratches, mismatched tires and serious need for an oil change. It makes you wonder, who actually buys these beautiful things?
Well, we picked 10 of our Auto Show Press Days faves and came up with some ideas:
Mercedes-Benz AMG Gran Turismo 6 concept. This one-off, made for Sony's Gran Turismo 6 video game, likely will never see the light of day. But if Mercedes did build it, its driver probably would be Bruce Wayne, a mild-mannered trust fund guy who moved to Malibu from Gotham and now wears black wetsuits instead of black costumes.
Smart Fortwo ED Jeremy Scott Edition. This little puppy, described by the company as “haute couture on four wheels,” has wings built into its rear C pillars. You wear decorative wings to Electric Daisy Carnival, right? Yes, this is your ride, and you are a candy raver.
Ford Edge. Ford debuted this updated version of its hot-selling “crossover” at the L.A. Auto Show, and it's not boring at all. Who will drive it? You're a Westside soccer mom. And you're angry because, while your husband insisted you two buy this car, he wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot key fob.
Jaguar F-Type R convertible. … Which is why you went out and bought this British sports car — mostly out of spite. This is the ride for the hot L.A. woman who's having a midlife crisis and wants to blow away Porsche Boxsters and BMW 3-series grunts when the light turns green. Good choice.
Porsche Turbo S Cabriolet. Another L.A. Auto Show debut, the folks at Porsche know their market. The driver of this ride — which can go from 0 to 60 in fewer than 3 seconds, with a top speed of nearly 200 miles per hour — is a power-hungry medical professional who still likes to bury his right foot once in a while. He is Dr. 90210 — Dr. Robert Rey.
Bentley Flying Spur. You are a titan of industry. You run a studio. You're the chief of a Hollywood agency. You're Rick Caruso. You deserve to have a driver.
But you don't — even though you couldn't resist buying a $206,000 four-door car that needs a driver. Then again, with a ridiculous and unnecessary 616 horsepower engine , you really wouldn't want anyone else having that much fun with your favorite ride.
Lexus LFA. The highest-tech, most expensive ($400,000-plus) production car Lexus ever produced deserves a sophisticated and discerning buyer. That's why, of course, the next owner of this supercar is the college-age, street-racing progeny of a billionaire. You've got a C-Class AMG? This party boy has one of the fastest factory cars ever made. Bow down to the ultimate import tuner and enjoy the shape of its rear, because that's all you'll be seeing.
BMW M6. Mercedes might have invented the sleek, low-roofed four-door coupe with its CLS, but BMW seems to have perfected it with the gorgeous M6. It's the power suit of cars, capable of blowing almost anything else off the road, but classy enough to pull up to the best restaurant in town without so much as a second glance. You're a midlevel Hollywood agent. Someday you'll get that Bentley.
Cadillac Elmiraj concept. This one is still on the drawing board, and it's one of the most stunning concept cars Detroit has turned out in years. Cadillac has generated mad buzz with this tourer. Long, grand and imposing, the Elmiraj is almost evil. And we want one. Who would drive a massive, gas-guzzling, luxury coupe with suicide doors? A music industry mogul, a mob boss, or maybe rapper Rick Ross. (Sorry real Freeway Rick Ross. We understand you drive a Hyundai SUV with a million miles on it. You'll be back someday.)
And the final car and its L.A. driver are …
Toyota Highlander Nickelodeon edition. This SUV is pretty trick. It has a built-in virtual aquarium. Lift up the rear gate and you'll find SpongeBob SquarePants inside. Wow. Who are you? You're a 5-year-old kid, yeah? And you have the greatest mom ever! Wait, she won't even let you sit in the driver's seat? You have the worst mom ever.
The L.A. Auto Show opens to the general public tomorrow.