The 13th Sign was a (bad) movie. (Slogan: There is a place where evil lives. Yeah, it's called Fontana).

Now there really is a 13th category for you lonely women people who believe in astrology. That's right Oprah, check your birthday, because what was once Scorpio, Sagittarius, the whole enchilada, has been realigned as a result of drift by the earth's axis.

This according to Parke Kunkle of the Minnesota Planetarium Society. And the new sign is …

… ophiuchus.

It would be so frigging cool to be the first guy in town with “ophiuchus” tattooed in his bicep. Total chick magnet. Plus, you know, 13 is evil. Such a bad boy.

'The 13th Sign' -- how prophetic.

'The 13th Sign' — how prophetic.

According to Kunkle, the moon's gravitational pull has put the earth's axis out of whack in the millenia since the old Babylonians gave jobless chicks people a reason to judge you by your birth date.

The original framework for the signs is so off that Kunkle says this new one is needed.

“When [astrologers] say that the sun is in Pisces, it's really not in Pisces,” he says.

Here are your new sign dates. Adjust accordingly, people (and sorry if you were always so sure your “cusp” status explained why all your bfs/gfs broke up with you):



Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.

Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.

Pisces: March 11-April 18.

Aries: April 18-May 13.



Taurus: May 13-June 21.

Gemini: June 21-July 20.

Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.

Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.



Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.

Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.

Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.

Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.

Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

Happy January 13.

[Minneapolis StarTribune].

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