City Council Websites: Number of Hits This Year

1. District 3, Dennis Zine: 190,419


2. District 13, Eric Garcetti: 183,041


3. District 15, Janice Hahn: 164,268


4. District 9, Jan Perry: 157,744


5. District 14, Antonio Villaraigosa: 149,929


6. District 1, Ed Reyes: 143,330


7. District 7, Alex Padilla: 139,227


8. District 4, Tom LaBonge: 136,639


9. District 5, Jack Weiss: 133,859


10. District 8, Bernard Parks: 129,941


11. District 11, Cindy Miscikowski: 123,643


12. District 6, Tony Cardenas: 113,153


13. District 2,Wendy Greuel: 102,023


14. District 10, Martin Ludlow: 96,811


15. District 12, Greg Smith: 79,226


—Kate Wolf


Real Names of Classified Concepts in the Military Planning Document “Air
Force 2025”


No. 900481: Destructo Swarmbots


No. 200015: Distortion Field Projector


No. 200023: Surveillance Swarm


No. 900258: Oxygen Sucker


No. 900299: Hunter-Killer Attack Platform


No. 900336: Cloaking


No. 900364: Bionic Eye


No. 900522: Space-Based A.I.-Driven Intelligence Master Mind System


No. 900288: Swarms of Micro-Machines


And INCAPACATTACK: The Strings of the Puppet Master


—Joshuah Bearman


6 Visiting-Mom Faux Pas

1 Picking a fight with the guard at the Museum of Tolerance.

2 Bargaining for merchandise at expensive Westside art gallery.

3 Wearing all her jewelry (otherwise nude) into mineral pool at Beverly Hot
Springs, then having to be told three times to be quiet before being threatened
with removal.

4 Bargaining for merchandise at low-rent Eastside garage sale — but not enough,
and then complaining about it all afternoon.

5 Talking loudly through Lost in Translation, exclaiming “Kampai!”
and high-fiving her husband with each appearance of Mt. Fuji, which they had
visited.

6 Falling asleep on the couch during my Rosh Hashanah dinner party. (“Dude,
my grandmother does that,” said a guest.)

—Deborah Vankin



It’s a Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt World!


Matt Drudge, author of the highly influential Drudge Report, www.drudgereport.com


Matt Haughey, creator and administrator of the highly influential collaborative blog Metafilter, www.metafilter.com


Matt Welch, highly influential libertarian-leaning journalist and blogger


Matt Wright, who maintains Matt’s Script Archive, providing free CGI scripts to the Web community since 1995, and, according to Google, is the most popular Matt on the Internet


Matthew Barney, artist and filmmaker


Matt Groening, creator of The Simpsons and Futurama. Enough said


Matt Damon, Matt Damon


—Judith Lewis



Hands Down the Single Coolest Page on the Internet

Hands Down the Single Coolest Page on the Internet

A 360-degree panorama from Mount Everest summit—Judith Lewis



10 Things To Do
Before I Die


1 Base jump off Jesus statue in Rio de Janeiro


2 Skydive while on fire


3 Streak at a soccer game


4 Drive a car off a cliff


5 Be cryogenically frozen


6 Moon a live news camera


7 Make and swim in a pool of Jell-O


8 Tie air balloons to a lawn chair and fly


9 Put butt cheeks in wet cement


10 Break out of prison


—Cal Christie, age 14



Top Affirmations of 2003


1 Mm-hm.


2 Yeah.


3 That’s right.


4 That’s what I’m talkin’ about.


5 You see that?


6 That’s what I’m sayin’.


7 Absolutively.


8 Amen.


9 Fuckin’ A.


10 Fuckin’ Amen.


—Dave Shulman


Hottest New Sexual Positions


1 Triple anal missionary


2 Double reverse gangbang


3 Covina wallbanger


4 Dry hump bukkake


5 Stovetop stuffing


6 Eunuch gloryhole clusterfuck


7 Chatsworth


—Dave Shulman