Are you fat and don't know what to do about it? You've tried everything: bulimia, doing small arm curls with the remote control, lifting chunks of fat-free cheese up to your face, and even switched to Tab, your old-school saccharin-laced friend. But nothing has worked.

Well, what if some good old-fashioned boots knockin' was exactly what you needed to shed those unwanted pounds?

Dig this. Pauline Potter of Sacramento, Calif., has the golden ticket. According to the British tabloid Closer, she is in the process of shedding tons of weight. All with the help of her boy toy.

When Potter gained entry into the Guinness Book of World Records for World's Fattest Woman, she hit rock bottom.

Back then, Potter was bedridden at more than 720 pounds and her legs weighed more than 140 pounds each. (You couldn't try putting them over your shoulders unless you had an exceptionally comprehensive health insurance plan.) She thought entering herself into the famous book of world records would shame her into dieting. Instead, she surpassed her 10,000-calorie-per-day diet.

Not surprisingly, Potter couldn't do a lot of things without assistance. Her 19-year-old son, Dillon, had to take her to the toilet. (All you hooligans can stop bitching when your parents ask you to take out the trash.)

But one day out of the clear blue, Potter's ex-husband, Alex, came for a visit. He saw her record-breaking entry and decided to drop by her house for the first time in three years. They got to talking and one thing lead to another and well… Alex looked deep into her eyes and something in him swelled. Some call it lust. Others call it a hard-on.

Not as fun as sex.

Not as fun as sex.

Despite her size, Alex and Potter now make love up to seven times a day. It's a bit risky as Alex risks suffocation in some sexual positions.

I've heard friends joke they feel about fat women the same way they do about mopeds: they're fun to ride until your friends see you on one. But if that's your thing, I say go for it!

According to Potter, all of this ferocious sex is helping her to lose weight. She's lost 98 pounds in the first seven months and can actually stand up again, which Alex loves because he can now take her from behind.

Potter admits to the tabloid that Alex has to do most of the work in the bedroom because she can't move much in her reinforced bed, but she does burn up to 500 calories a session (525 if she sucks extra hard). She claims it's great exercise “just jiggling around.”

Post-coital snack.

Post-coital snack.

Ever wondered how many calories you can burn performing your favorite sex acts? Read more here and start keeping track!

At After Dark, we're thrilled Potter has found a way to kill two birds with one stone, and we hope she continues to fuck her way thin. She certainly has inspired me to try to dry hump my way back to my college weight.

LA Weekly