Finding a douchey DJ is about as easy as finding an Ed Hardy t-shirt in Vegas on a Saturday night.
Still, we strive for accuracy at LA Weekly, and we've gone through the list of top global spinners with a fine-tooth comb to bring you this revelatory Top 5 of supremely douchey spinners.
Bottoming our list:
5. Kaskade. Sorry. But just getting the big-time treatment in The New York Times recently sealed the deal. In reality, Kaskade is a super-down-to-earth, nice-guy Mormon who has been hanging out in Santa Monica recently. In global clubland, however, he's a larger than-life spinner of uplifting “house” music who all the girls love. You have to hate him just for that. But then he causes a near-riot on Hollywood Boulevard. And he looks good in tight t-shirts.
4. Afrojack. Afrojack could actually pass as a nondouche. His hair is trim almost to the skin (no spikeyness here), and he's no Christian Audigier acolyte (that we can tell). Still, his stabby synth sounds rival the over-top arpeggios of trance in the get-me-the-hell-out-of-this-club department. His is the douche's soundtrack.
3. Steve Aoki. L.A.'s own indie-dance pioneer has become just another purveyor of over-the-top, more-Daft-Punk-than-Daft-Punk crap house. We would forgive him if he hadn't been such an anti-dance-culture gadfly when he started out spinning non-sequitur blends of KROQ fare. Now he plays boom-tss music on the big stages of rave festivals. Aoki has become the guy he hated back in his original Cinespace days.
2. Tiesto. Too easy, we know. And we have to say that the Dutch trance king has de-douchified himself nicely, what with the housier tunes and a cred-worthy Diplo coming along for his last tour. But we have to give the cheese-meister a nod simply because of his fans (above).
1. Paul Oakenfold. Oakey is a class act without whom we might not have electronic dance music culture as we know it. He's one of the few who went to Ibiza in the mid-1980s, and the rest is history. And anyone who ever downed a tab of E and then saw the light has this guy to thank. Still, the image of the DJ as a Spinal Tapian, hair-care-product-hording rock star? Oakenfold created that icon. It is he. Superstar DJ? No, superdouche DJ.