FRIDAY, April 27

From the moment you picked up the free so-called newspaper, you could see that there would be trouble. Something about the ink stains it left on your fingers combined with the smell of exhaust from the Wilshire bus made you want to escape into a dark theater. Alone. For once. But you weren’t surprised when the brunette took the seat next to you and gave you a look you could feel in your back pockets. This sucks. Go see American Cinematheque’s Noir City: Film Noir. Tonight it’s the “racket noir” classic 711 Ocean Drive and The Mob with Ernest Borgnine. The Egyptian Theater, 6712 Hollywood Blvd., Hlywd.; Fri., April 27, 7:30 p.m. (series runs thru May 2); $11. (323) 466-FILM.

SATURDAY, April 28

With such a dizzying schedule of events at this weekend’s Los Angeles Times Festival of Books, you might feel like shining on the whole thing and curling up with a good book, but then you’d be missing out on more than 300 exhibitor booths, six stages, 95 panel discussions and readings, and more than 400 authors including Frank McCourt, Gore Vidal, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Ralph Nader, Tim Gunn — you know what? Maybe just stay home and read instead. UCLA, Wstwd.; Sat.-Sun., April 28-29, all freakin’ day; free. (213) 237-7335 or www.latimes.com/extras/festivalofbooks.

SUNDAY, April 29

By today, we begin to notice what’s missing from Sunset Boulevard between Sanborn and Maltman avenues. Could it be the area’s hip youth are all at Coachella wishing they were at AT&T Fiesta Broadway? It’s everybody in the street for joyful Latin sounds on four stages featuring Pepe Aguilar, Los Horoscopos de Durango, Rigo Luna, Yari More, Internacionales Pasteles Verdes and more. Broadway between First & 11th sts., dwntwn.; Sun., April 30, noon-6 p.m.; free. (310) 914-8308 or www.fiestabroadway.la.

MONDAY, April 30

Journo-pundit, global-warming skeptic and Rudy Giuliani supporter George Will may not be the kind of fellow you agree with — if so, why are you reading this lefty rag? — but he gives good speech. Like this: “You really don’t want a president who is a football fan. Football combines the worst features of American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.” See? Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, 135 N. Grand Ave., dwntwn.; Mon., April 30, 8 p.m.; $50-$120. (213) 972-0700 or www.musiccenter.org.


Cliche alert! Grindhouse Fest grinds to a halt after today. Enjoy The Real Bruce Lee (1973) and Lee Lives Within. Support Quentin Tarantino and his crazy dream to exalt crappy old movies best left forgotten. Just kidding, Quentin! Read my screenplay! The New Beverly Cinema, 7165 Beverly Blvd., L.A.; Tues., May 1, 7:30 p.m.; $7, $4 seniors & students. (323) 938-4038.


What year is this? Lovers of well-aged, literate rock & roll will be heading to the Sunset Strip in droves tonight for one of two shows by musical heroes Elvis Costello, who’s at House of Blues with his Imposters, or Patti Smith, at the Roxy, touring behind Twelve, her new album of cover songs, which features some surprisingly fresh takes on “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” and “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” Elvis Costello: House of Blues, 8430 Sunset Blvd., W. Hlywd.; Wed., May 2, 8 p.m.; $95 (what?). (323) 848-5100. Patti Smith: The Roxy, 9009 Sunset Blvd., W. Hlywd.; Wed., May 2, 9 p.m.; $35 (that’s more like it). (310) 278-9457.


Did you score tickets to the Kids in the Hall? If so, proceed to Hollywood Boulevard and Berendo Street. The rest of you can go to Three Compañeros, “a stage parody of the sitcom Three’s Company that replaces roommates Jack, Janet and Chrissy with Lance Armstrong, Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConaughey. Set in a beachfront apartment in Malibu during the summer of 2006, the show revolves around the three celebrities as they try to woo their wacky landlord’s beautiful female visitor. Double-entendres and a series of misunderstandings threaten to turn the three pals against one another. Will they let a femme fatale and fame trump friendship? Or will these three compañeros kiss and make up?” Upright Citizens Brigade, 5919 Franklin Ave., Hlywd.; Thurs., May 3 & 17, 8 p.m.; $5. (323) 908-8702.

LA Weekly