LAX may be the least popular airport in the country — with infuriatingly long security lines and, uh, NO FREE WI-FI — but every year around Christmas, our local Transportation Security Administration agents give us a special gift to wipe our memories of pat-downs and porn scans.
You've got to see it to believe it. Ladies and gentlemen, the second annual TSA holiday choir, with a rousing round of “I Believe I Can Fly” on December 20:
Compare that with last year's rendition of “You Are So Beautiful,” performed alongside some adorable “FLU SHOTS HERE” signage:
We're not surprised. It's all very novel and giddy-making — as if TSA officials realized at last that everyone hated them, and finally set about to de-Scrooge their legacy. Hard to hate the dude juggling your package when you've just witnessed him hit a baritone that golden.
From the TSA's proud presser:
“We hope this holiday cheer will alleviate the stress and anxiety some travelers often experience during the holiday travel period,” said Los Angeles World Airports (LAWA) Executive Director Gina Marie Lindsey. “As we build the future of LAX we hope what travelers will remember most is not the construction, but the people and moments that made their experience at the airport enjoyable.”
And choir leader Raul Matute assures the Times, “The group practices and performs on its own time, not taxpayers.”
For once, though, we could care less. Hell — we'd rather our money be spent on sweet, sweet music than anything else the TSA does!
Here's what remains on the LAX holiday roster.
- Local choir group. Friday, December 23 at 1 p.m. Terminal 1.
- TSA choir. Thursday, December 22 at 12 p.m. Tom Bradley International Terminal.
- “Visits by Santa in terminals and volunteer LAWA employees wearing red vests … roaming the terminals [and] assisting travelers.” Thursday, December 22 and Friday, December 23.
Only thing that could make this show better: Bikini girl (LAX's most notorious body-scan protester) gets up there and does a little backup jig. Because all is forgiven on Christmas!