Have you been looking long and hard for your Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls, only to go home with ice-cream blue balls instead? Us too. Last month, we told you about the official launch of the limited-release flavor. The B&J scoop shops always seem to be sold out, and we've never seen it in the freezer aisles of our neighborhood supermarkets.

It turns out some grocery stores have purposely held back the Schweddy Balls. The Associated Press reports they don't want the backlash from people who don't find fun in the tongue-in-cheek humor, such as a conservative Christian group called One Million Moms, which takes offense at the salty innuendo of the Saturday Night Live skit.

The Massachusetts grocery chains interviewed for the AP story don't specifically say whether or not they caved in due to the efforts of the Mississippi mom group, which doesn't accede that neither the SNL skit, nor the ice cream were intended for kids who still have a bedtime restriction.

One Million Moms take offense at a lot of things that don't jibe with their right-leaning Christian values, including the use of the phrase “Oh my God,” in a Febreze commercial.

From their petition against Schweddy Balls:

In the past, Ben & Jerry's has released controversial ice creams, like a special edition of Chubby Hubby called Hubby Hubby last year which celebrated gay marriage. It seems that offending customers has become an annual tradition for Ben & Jerry's.

From their petition against Oreo Cookie commercials that use the phrase “shut the front door”:

[Nabisco]… is running an ad for their new Oreo Fudge Cremes with the phrase “Shut the Front Door.” In today's teen jargon, that phrase is a euphemism for “Shut the F*@k Up!”

The ad begins with a typical family eating Oreo cookies in their kitchen at home when the mom blurts this out. Moms find this offensive, and teenagers are admitting they know what “Shut the Front Door” stands for. OMM finds it hard to believe that Kraft is unaware what this statement means.

OMGWTF, OMM? What planet are you from where imaginary foul language is worth a write-in campaign? Ben & Jerry's has always been transparent about their support for progressive social causes, and if you (understandably) don't want to give a left-leaning ice cream company your business, simply don't. But keep your hands off our Schweddy Balls.

Grocers, grow a pair and stand up for the other 99% of your customers who want their Schweddy Balls.

Shuji Sakai writes about the Ke$ha of breakfast burritos and potty-mouthed, mother-flippin' ice creams. Follow him on Twitter and professorsalt.com

LA Weekly