Totally Ozz-some

The onslaught of “alternative” beauty pageants continues, and now it’s gettin’ down and dirty, Ozzfest style. Yup, this year the summer metal fest has traded in its “Battle of the Bands” bout (as seen on MTV last year) for the Miss Ozzfest Contest. Though Nightranger didn’t consider entering, we did head over to The Rainbow last Thursday to check out the L.A. hopefuls, a mix of busty bleached blondes, barbell-embellished Suicide Girl types and hot Latina death-metal chicks (Ill Niño was playing down the street). We also eyeballed the stogie-stencher bus on which Big Dave (the Osbournes’ longtime tour man)will be driving around the country signing up headbanging hotties. (And no, there is no ”talent” portion of the contest to take place on the bus — we asked.) Fans will vote for their favorite in each city via, and the finalists will compete at the closing Ozzfest date in Florida. We saw Cypress Hill’s B-Real holding court as usual on the Rainbow’s patio, but why wasn’t he over at TheKey Club catching rhyming forefathers Tone Loc, Coolio and Young MC? We caught YMC “Busting a Move,” though he looks like he hasn’t been busting too hard since he appeared on VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club last year.


The Conga Room marked its last stand at its current location last Wednesday with a jam by some of the club’s fave salsa sensations, but we opted to say adios at its last officially booked event, “Up in Jokes,” hosted by Cheech Marin. The night featured comics Joey Medina; Carlos Oscar; Marilyn Martinez talking about la vida loca (chorizo was a recurring theme); and sole gringo Darren Carter, a redheaded (and fire-crotched?) rap aficionado whose hip-hop impersonations and boomboxing were spot-on. Unfortunately, our hopes of catching a Cheech and Chong reunion went unrealized, though Marin did sing some classic C&C anthems, including “Me and My Old Lady” — ironic, since he revealed later that he’s getting a divorce. . . . One club closes and another reopens. Looks like The Roosevelt’süberexclusive Tropicana and Teddy’s nightspots will be reappearing sometime in June with new gatekeepers The Alliance (a.k.a. party gods Josh Richman, Shane Powers and Hartwell), who we’re sure will attract a crowd just as fabuloso as Amanda Scheer Demme’s was, which means that, yes, mere mortals will probably still be shivering outside.

Shout at the Devil

6-6-06 is upon us, and while it’s a great marketing ploy (The Omen remake, anyone?), at least two Satan events also celebrate the occasion in fiendish fashion. At the El Rey, Goldenvoice’s “Concert of the Beast,” with Burning Brides, The Icarus Line, The Vacation, Rock-n-Roll Soldiers and a mystery band TBA should be quite the hell-raiser, but it’s the “Mondo Evil Wedding” of Stanton LaVey (Anton’s grandspawn) and fetish pinup star Szandora at the Henry Fonda that’ll make ya want to bathe in holy water afterward. “Sinister minister” El Vez will officiate, and everyone from Glenn Danzig and 45 Grave to Dolemite are scheduled to offer their wickedness to the matrimonial mayhem.

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