Whoever declared a few years back that Halloween has basically turned into Dress Like A Hooker Day was indeed a prophetic genius.

It won't be long until we simply go out as walking genitalia. Until then, the viral success of the kink-infested book Fifty Shades of Grey has at least kept a small layer of modesty on our backs by suggesting that the fresh costume for Halloween 2012 is …

… this one:

Credit: Sportsheets

Credit: Sportsheets

We love the simplicity of it. The guy is basically just wearing what he might wear any day, plus a telltale Fifty Shades cover tie. The woman has a mask.

If you're in a gay relationship, male or female, two ties and — boom! — you're done. This is the Cup Noodles of Halloween.

Brilliant from a lazy man's perspective. (You know the female Fifty Shades wearer is also rocking three hours worth of mani-pedi, makeup and lingerie prep, though).


Credit: Fifty Shades of Grey

Credit: Fifty Shades of Grey

Anyway, the fine people at Sportsheets, a Huntington Beach wholesaler and marketer of fine “relationship tools” (and we emphasize the word “tools”) is behind this hottest costume of the season.

Not to be outdone, however, Big Bird (and we emphasize the word “big”) is also a top costume, apparently, thanks to an unlikely source, the cardboard cutout known as Mitt Romney.

But back to Fifty Shades (or, if you're a hip-hop fan, you could don a do-rag and a grey tie and go Fiddy Shades), Sportsheets tells us they have the “sexy masquerade masks” and the “infamous grey tie” for retailers. And:

The company's collection of masks, ties, blind folds, floggers and handcuffs bring the fantasy to life and are the essential pieces of this season's must-have Halloween costume.

Yeah. Drunk people and handcuffs. What could possibly go wrong?

Credit: Sportsheets

Credit: Sportsheets

Sportsheets president Julie Stewart:

… There's no better way to live out the 'Fifty Shades' fantasy than dressing the part for one special night!

Just be careful out there.

[@dennisjromero / djromero@laweekly.com / @LAWeeklyNews]

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