This is Los Angeles, douche capital of the world.
When you talk douche here, you have a lot to talk about.
So it wasn't easy choosing our Top 5 douches of the year. L.A. can go douche-for-douche with just about any global metropolis — even the ones in New Jersey. Perhaps the only place on earth we bow down to, douche-wise, is Las Vegas. And most of its douches are in for the weekend from … SoCal.
Here's what we got:
5. Lisette Lee. Yeah, we did it. We named a lady douche to this list. Groundbreaking? You tell us.
Lee, a Beverly Hills woman, thought she was oh-so-slick by using a private jet to ferry 7,000 pounds of weed from L.A. to Ohio in 2009 and 2010. Guess what? Authorities caught up with her. Turns out they can sniff around private planes too. The result: Lee was sentenced in fall to six years behind bars.
4. Todd DeStefano. Who dat douche, you ask? Ah, he's not a well-known douche. But he's an allegedly slick one nonetheless. DeStefano is at the heart of the scandal at the publicly run L.A. Coliseum, where, as manager, he was alleged to have accepted $1.7 million in cash from people doing business with the venue. A lot of that money came from rave promoters who came under the gun last year when a summer party saw the death of a 15-year-old girl who had taken ecstasy. As politicians wondered aloud why these events were being allowed on public property, the Los Angeles Times alleged that DeStefano was taking promoters' dough. No wonder, then, that one promotion company appeared so smug and confident as it went before the Coliseum Commission in order to keep its franchise at the venue. Denied.
3. Kobe Bryant. We told you we were breaking ground here. America's first black douche? (Conrad Murray, you whisper. But no, he's too old and educated to truly be a douche.) We're not sure what orifice it was, exactly, that got him in trouble the first time, but it would appear that Kobe has gone back to the well for more, at least according to reports describing the reason for wife Vanessa Bryant's divorce from him. Guess when he said of Vanessa, “She's so special to me,” he was limiting his sentiment to home games. A good-looking, multimillionaire athlete from Newport Beach who allegedly slips away to the all-you-can-eat salad bar for seconds behind his wife's back? That's douchey.
2. Joe Francis. Wait, haven't you heard this one before? Wasn't there that one outlet that had a similar crown for Mr. Francis? But the Girls Gone Wild, snap-'em-when-they're-drunk entrepreneur is the gift that keeps on giving to L.A. Case in point: He was back in hot water this year, with City Attorney's spokesman Frank Mateljan stating that “Mr. Francis allegedly grabbed one of the women by the throat and hair and pushed and slammed her head into the tile floor four times” after a night on the town. A perfect gentleman. Allegedly.