Going to the gym sucks, more so when your Tylenol PM hasn't worn off yet and the guy next to you reeks. But being really pissed off helps, especially when you have a soundtrack to back you up. Plug in your earphones, crank up the treadmill and imagine the tool's face who stood you up at the Troubadour last night with two pre-paid tickets. The list will take you on a journey, right up to the day you realized your best friend was screwing your boyfriend.
For your listening pleasure, or pain: The Top 10 Songs to Workout To When You're About To Bash Someone's Head In:
10. Jazmine Sullivan – “Bust Your Windows”
Though “busting the windows out your car” may not solve much, it sure as hell feels good. And really, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
9. Lily Allen – “Fuck You Very Much”
Sometimes the person you're dating can't seem to get anything right. There is absolutely nothing about him or her that you're loving right now. Or maybe they've just given up trying. Either way, it sucks. This is where Lily Allen comes in handy.
8. Kelly Rowland – “Shake Them Haters Off”
When you're ready to let go, you shake the haters off. Rowland knows how to get you prepped for this. Truer words have never been spoken: “Haters never take a vacation.” And you shouldn't take one either.
7. Alien Ant Farm — “Smooth Criminal”
For years “Smooth Criminal” has given angry teens the balls to yell back at their parents. Hopefully if you're reading this you don't still live at home. But for those of us who do, it's nice to blast the song in our room to drown out the sound of mom yelling “get a job.”
6. Mumford & Sons — “Little Lion Man”
Bench press to fiery folk jams with Mumford & Sons. This is a song you play when you're finally admitting defeat and taking responsibility. Probably towards the end of the workout playlist. “I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear.” We're only human, right?
5. Nine Inch Nails — “Closer”
When someone won't have sex with you, but you want to have sex with her, then just end up with Rosey Palms at the end of the night.
4. Home Grown — “I Love You, Not”
The song title says it all. For your friend with benefits who wants more, but you can't stand to be around them for longer than required. “You're moving fast/Don't get attached.” Keep playing that verse on repeat.
3. The All-American Rejects — “Move Along”
For your deceiving ex. “You're hands are mine to hold/Move along/Move along just to make it through.” Easier said then done, right?
2. Kanye West — “Love Lockdown”
Sometimes, in love, there's no finish line.
And for the number one Fuck You song:
1. Cee Lo Green — “Fuck You”
What's a better way to flip someone the bird than to get decked out in a huge flamboyant Muppet costume and watch the millions roll in? Saying F you, then snagging the hottest piece of ass in the weight room.