Don't you hate it when you really want to watch a bunch of food-related stand-up comedy, but don't have the time to whittle it all down to the most enjoyable offerings? Lucky for you, we've got your back. Below are our Top 10 Food-Related Stand-Up Comedy Bits (with nary a Gallagher watermelon smashing in sight). You're welcome.

(Note: This really is not for for kids. We mean it. This is exclusively for mature audiences who don't mind hearing obscenities. Or Richard Pryor making fun of Chinese people.)

10. Jeneane Garofalo

While the set and attire in this Janeane Garofalo clip are certainly dated, the subject matter is still completely relevant. It turns out that even way back in 1992, some women still panicked about being in the same room as a cake. (As an added foodie bonus, Garofalo also lent her voice to the Thomas Keller-consulted animated hit, Ratatouille.)

9. Jerry Seinfeld

Before he was the husband of a successful cookbook author, Jerry Seinfeld was apparently a stand-up comedian (he also might have had a television show at one point). In the clip below, from his 1998 HBO comedy special, the comedian discusses his thoughts on McDonald's.

8. Bill Cosby

In one of his most famous bits, from the 1983 comedy special Himself, the great comedian (and Jell-O spokesman) Bill Cosby muses on the merits of feeding your children chocolate cake for breakfast. Sadly, the audio in the clip below does not sync up with the video. We apologize for the inconvenience.

7. Richard Pryor

Richard Franklin Lennox Thomas Pryor III is considered to be one of the most important comedians of all time, breaking down all kinds of barriers and serving as an (or the) inspiration for generations of comics. He also happens to be extremely funny. In this clip, Pryor shares his thoughts on Chinese food.

6. Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller, now 92 years old, is another comedy icon on today's Top 10 List. In her signature style with cigarette holder in hand, Diller goes off on her own cooking, her husband “Fang,” his ulcer, and his more-than-somewhat-obese mother.

5. Eddie Murphy

Currently Eddie Murphy makes boatloads of money starring in movies for little kids (in which he does things like talk to animals, or portray a spaceship). But prior to that, he was perhaps the funniest human being on the planet. He also wore amazing outfits. In this clip, from 1987's Eddie Murphy Raw, Murphy talks about hamburgers, and how his mother's were not exactly the same as the ones from McDonald's.

4. George Carlin

We're loading up on legendary comedians today, and the late George Carlin certainly fits the bill. In this clip from way back in 1978, Carlin tries to figure out why there isn't any blue food. If you want even more food-related Carlin humor, you can also take a look at this much longer gastronomic rant.

3. Dave Chappelle

Dave Chappelle had a hugely popular television show and was offered a giant pile of money to keep on making it. Instead, he walked away. Some people think he's crazy, but I prefer to hear him talk to James Lipton about it. Regardless, he was one funny stand-up comic, as shown below in his analysis of race, through food, from his 2004 comedy special For What It's Worth.

2. Louis C.K.

Many comics call Louis C.K. the funniest comedian working today. Currently, he's prepping for the June debut of his new comedy series on FX. In this clip from his 2007 HBO comedy special Shameless, C.K. gives his thoughts on, of all things, duck vaginas.

1. Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt, star of the aforementioned Ratatouille, loves to joke about food and restaurants (like steak houses, Hubert Keller's Fleur de Lys and Stella D'Oro Breakfast Treats). But his most famous bit of all, and number one on our list, is this clip from his 2007 album Werewolves and Lollipops, in which he attempts to comprehend the abomination that is the KFC Famous Bowl.

LA Weekly