The Onion, for those that don't know, is a satirical newspaper reporting fake stories on a wide range of worldly topics — and often the best part about reading those stories is the headlines. In fact, it's precisely why following them on Twitter is so much fun (“Online University Cracks Down On Rowdy Online Fraternity“). So in honor of these often brilliant fake news titles, we present to you our Top 10 Food-Related Onion Headlines. Just turn the page.
We'd like to think that food critics don't get too analytical with their wives' cooking, but we suppose you never know.
“Attendees at the combination summit and potluck dinner labeled it a qualified success, regretting the altercation that broke out between factions with differing views on skewer length.”
The eternal dilemma of what to do at a public park with all your uneaten carbs.
“'It was gruesome,' said Det. Sam Welty, one of the officers who made the find. 'When I first looked at the victim, I could barely tell what it was. The bones were all broken, the head was missing, and one of the thigh bones bore what appeared to be human teeth marks.'”
“Despite his third-grade reading level and IQ of 71, developmentally disabled Burger King employee Andy Ehrman is the only competent member of the 22-person Frontage Road staff.
This one is actually almost believable, except that it would be called something like “Ramma-Slamma Breakfast Bucket!”
If this were true, that scientist would most certainly receive, and deserve, a Nobel Prize.
Let's just hope this one isn't true. Much funnier without an actual victim.
To be perfectly honest, we're not sure that some of Taco Bell's burritos don't do this anyway.
Do Shaq fat jokes ever get old? Because they certainly don't seem to.