In reaction to such recent honorees as Chuck Norris and Michael Phelps, the Weekly would like to forward to you, our humble and useful cannabis retailers, a list of other celebrities who also deserve their own strains of weed.
We know your suppliers are developing new variants of this medicine with all kinds of specific attributes (a “clear-headed high,” “mental,” “psychedelic” and “relaxing without putting you to sleep”).
And this whole Chuck Norris story has really taken off. So do like your local deli and name a few more goodies on the menu after these fine citizens (could be good for business):
10. Arnold Girly Man. This one comes with a lot of hype but in the end is a huge let down. Once you try it, it won't be back. Trust us.
9. The Real Houseweed of Beverly Hills. Strong, sassy and dramatic, to smoke this strain properly you have to roll it in $100 bills and light up.
8. Andy Dick's Club Crasher. So named because this one smells bad and no one wants it around at their party. Interestingly, we hear it's real fun to pass around in the locker room.
7. Paula Abdul Comeback Chronic. Makes you incoherent and, frankly, scary to younger men, but somehow you're still successful.
6. Coco's Ginger Ale. This red-hot weed has been making a real comeback, but somehow you can never find time for it.
5. Mel Gibson Tourette Syndrome. Has the strange effect of making you blurt out racist, misogynistic and angry feelings (but still, you get work).
4. Miley Cyrus — Baby's First Bud. This is beginner's weed that will only get you high for a few minutes — just long enough for a friend to put video of you smoking it on YouTube. (Just long enough so you can step out from under Disney's shadow, too).
3. Eddie Murphy Transmission. This particularly dressed-up strain has dual personality. When you first pick it up you think it's really floral and girly, but then it kicks you in the behind with a long-drawn-out, masculine finish.
2. Charlie Sheen's Dinner Date. At $3,500, this one promises to go down easy, but it just ends up stealing your watch.
1. Tom Cruise Down-Low. This will only sneak up on you when you're in the closet with the door closed, and then it will jump up and down on your couch. (Dear Mr. Cruise's attorney: We kid!).