Yesterday, we got the bad news: The White Stripes were breaking up. Not that it came as a surprise, as Jack White has been off producing and writing new material with lots of people that aren't Meg. We wonder what Meg will do next? Rap career? Cooking channel show? Meg White branded scrunchies? Who knows. But what we do know is that there are a few other bands that need to take a hint from the White Stripes, so here are 10 bands that should have broken up instead of the White Stripes:
Remember Korn? In the early 1990's, they were responsible for starting the rap/nu metal genre that somehow seems to cling to life today in corners of the world where sideways visors and cargo shorts are still acceptable attire. They've sold over 40 million albums around the world, but even after their highest charting album Issues was released in 1999, the band has released five more albums of 40 year old singer Jonathan Davis singing about his troubled childhood. In an unrelated note, Davis' own children are named Pirate and Zeppelin.
9. The Postal Service
It's been 8 years since The Postal Service's Give Up paved the way for indie pop to hit the mainstream. Their song, “Such Great Heights” somehow squeezed its way into just about every VW/airline/organic tampon commercial in 2003. And let's face it, before the inclusion of Postal Service on every mix CD made by poetry majors who wear Anthropology Afghans as apparel, we kind of liked them. But now after nearly 10 years of radio silence, we think the band should just call it quits. Dntel and Ben Gibbard have taken the “never say never” in response to media questions about the followup. Just say no.
8. Linkin Park
Last year, Linkin Park made a listenable album. The largely critically lauded A Thousand Suns was nowhere as good as the hype laid upon it, but it was actually not annoying. That's a huge step for the band. It almost made us forget about that one guy who wore those oversized headphones, and that other guy who just screamed (and not in that cool metal way). Better to go out on top, Linkin Park.
7. Odd Future
As probably the most hyped L.A. phenomenon of foul-mouthed teen rappers, the group has landed magazine features and even an upcoming appearance on Jimmy Fallon. So what better publicity stunt than to break up now. And maybe they can reunite for Coachella 2011, along with The Smiths.
Apparently Pearl Jam is still together. It's been 20 years and 8 albums since the seminal Seattle grunge band dropped their iconic record, Ten. It's not that we hate Eddie Vedder and the gang, but it seems that the band has kept on trucking far too long. At some point, they've become a band that only satisfies their own fans. They keep releasing albums that make little to no effort to build a new base or venture into new sounds. Vedder's voice will always be the same.
5. Smith Westerns
The Chicago-based band of youngins released the phenomenal Dye It Blonde this year and received much acclaim from muso geeks and blogger types. It's a fact; there isn't a bad song on the album. We have hope that the band can keep up their momentum in the future, but perhaps they should just call it quits now, and forgo the whole “falling from grace” thing that so many bands suffer.
Breaking up Aerosmith would be like dissolving a large company. That's because Aerosmith IS a large company, nothing more. They've been marketing their old image and sound for the entire latter half of their career, so why not just break up and rake in the royalties gracefully like old rockers should.
3. Best Coast
When some people talk about the band Best Coast, they are actually referring to lead singer Bethany Costentino. They'll say, “I saw Best Coast getting coffee at Swork the other day” or “Best Coast, she's pretty good” [Ed.'s note: they say other things too but we have it on good authority that Bethany gets all bawawawaaa when we say anything non-nice about her–hi Bethany!]. Yes, we know that Best Coast's Bobb Bruno is a great musician (and a bunny, as seen last week on the cover of LA Weekly's sex issue) but maybe Best Coast should break up, then reform as Bethany Cosentino's Best Coast. It'd make things much easier.
With every passing day, Weezer destroys their legacy with their very existence. Now when we try to think about those Halcyon days of “My Name is Jonas,” or jovially quote some of our favorite lines from Pinkerton, something terrible happens. Hurley's big ass face. It just pops into our head. Blam. We completely forget about all our favorite songs of old Weezer, as their entire contemporary ouvere is summed up by one big, fat face. Whoomp, there it is.
And the Number One Band that Should Have Broken Up Instead of the White Stripe is:
1. Insane Clown Posse
We're pretty sure ICP causes global warming. Fuckin' breakups–how do they work?