LA is famous for a lot of things, but perhaps nothing says Hollywood magic quite like the ubiquitous, desperate quest to stay young forever and ever and ever. Think you're above it? Live east of Alameda for a 2 years and you'll be staring emptily into every mirror you see, desperately trying to perfect a smile that doesn't cause those unsightly crow's feet to pop into focus.
It's no shock then that an army of plastic surgeons, Botox technicians, rejuvenation spa owners and personal trainers make a tidy living helping famous people with a lot of money delay the inevitable. It might even be why LA's music scene is so replete with Peter Pan Hipsters, vintage subculture scenesters, and the cherubic, scarily youthful bands who sing for their entertainment 7 nights a week. Too bad though, 'cause Rich or Poor, Celebrity or civilian, obsessive fan or teenage pop star, everyone one of them are all creeping closer and closer to the Depends and Metamucil stage of life, and we've got the proof right here.
Here's what 10 iconic LA Musicians will look like 20 years from now (plus, just because, what Betty White will look like 20 years from now):
Track 10) Bethany Cosentino of Best Coast.
Bethany Cosentino might be cuter than a puppy standing on top of a baby elephant, but that doesn't mean she's discovered the fountain of youth. Even so, this is proof that in 2031, while the rest of us are slipping into a diabetic coma, she's just going to look cooler. Jerk.
Track 9) Nathan Williams of Wavves.
The weird thing about this is that after 20 more years baking in the San Diego sun, Nathan Williams is going to look like Anton Chigurh. Think about that the next time you're slapping on the SPF 400.
Track 8) MIA.
MIA has an unfair advantage, being that she is supernaturally hot and also of Tamil descent, which means she is going to age about 1 year for every 50 the rest of us do. Whatever else she'll have been up to, if this is accurate we're guessing there's a portrait in her basement getting a little long in the tooth.
Track 7) Devendra Banhart.
Sorry Devendra, but the evidence is clear: 2 decades hence, you're going to be Charlie Manson.
Track 6) Dean and Randy of No Age.
Who knew that Randy would be able to Earn a living as Gabriel Byrne's stunt double? not us, anyway.
Then again, Dean is going to look like the world's most sensitive dad. Seriously, look at that. Don't you instinctively feel like you could call him after a pot bust and he'd be totally cool about it?
Track 5) Flying Lotus.
Flying Lotus might be the coolest person California, and if this photo is right, then the only thing that's going to change for him a score from now is that he'll be a Zen master. Jealous much? Yes, we are.
Track 4) Cat Power.
Cat Power AKA Chan Marshall already suffers on of Los Angeles' cruelest features: she lives in Silverlake, but has to commute for love, since her boyfriend (Giovanni Ribisi) lives in Malibu. Even though a couple of Decades' worth of driving up and down the PCH into Mel Gibson land will clearly take its toll, fear not. She's still going to be better than you at almost everything.
Track 3) Jim Morrison.
No one can deny that Jim Morrison was the biggest douchebag of the 1960s. But he was also kind of hot, and it looks like, had he cut back on the pork and booze, and avoided his heroin-induced dirt nap, the late 1980s would have been really kind to him.
Track 2) Katy Perry.
“Devoutly religious daughter of evangelical Christians” isn't the first thing that springs to mind when you try to figure out just what a California
Gurl Girl* is supposed to be, but she's from Santa Barbara and lives in Los Feliz, so she's the real deal. But it looks like 20 years of holy matrimony with Russell Brand is going to wear her out. We suggest a memory foam mattress as soon as possible.
*I will never use 'gurl'.
And who's (still) number one in 2031? Check it out:
Track 1) Snoop.
We all know that supposedly, Black don't crack, but did you know the effect is tripled when combined with copious use of cannabis? Look upon Snoop's works, ye mighty, and recognize… that he's going to look exactly the same when Bieber is president.
But wait, there's more! If you act now, you'll also get these two bonus aged-celebs at no additional cost!
Our love for Betty White knows no boundaries, but even so, we hope this isn't accurate. in 20 years, the Last Golden Girl is going to be 109. While we really, really hope she makes it there, let's all pray it's not, as this picture suggests, as a ravenous zombie.
Frosty (From Dublab).
Last up, it's Dublab's Frosty, who is apparently going to become the next Paul Lynde avatar. We can only hope for such a fate.