[Editor's note: Odd Future member Lionel Boyce writes a weekly column for West Coast Sound. His archives are available here.]

During my 20 years of living, I have accomplished many things and acquired many skills. One of the more impressive things that stands out is the brief period when I took the surfing world by storm.

Surfing came as naturally to me as picking up a spoon to eat a bowl of cereal would come to a dog if they had opposable thumbs, which would be very natural because they are fast learners. My first time surfing was when I was 9 years old. I remember it as if it were 11 years ago. I had been on punishment for wandering off and getting lost while at Macy's with my mom and was not allowed to go outside.

Credit: Frank Miles

Credit: Frank Miles

While stuck in the house watching TV, I came across a surfing competition. After five minutes of watching I turned to Rocket Power, which is a cartoon about young kids surfing. Unfortunately my mom came in and caught me watching TV, which got me in more trouble.

Still, watching those shows gave me a new calling. When I got off punishment I decided to try exactly what I had seen on television and headed to the beach. It was a violent storm that day and there were huge waves around 10 feet high crashing into one another. I was slightly intimidated at first, but after playing “Return of the Mack” by Mark Morrison repeatedly in my head, I worked up enough nerve to take on the waves.

I grabbed my board and swam out into the water, but the waves began to settle because the big one was coming. I waited for a few minutes, and just when I was getting ready to swim back to shore, I looked back to see a wave 100 feet high charging straight at me.

Immediately I knew that it was either surf or risk being pulled into the ocean and devoured by a giant octopus. I began paddling until the wave took me up into the air; then I hopped up on the board and rode the shit out of that wave. People often compare seeing that moment to seeing a pack of unicorns, or their first time eating a frozen Twinkie. That began what was known as Surfing's Postmodern Era.

I surfed professionally for seven weeks, and over that period I competed in Mavericks, World Qualifying Series and the ASP World Tour, all of the biggest competitions. I earned first place in each one.

After winning all of those trophies and awards, I grew tired of competing professionally, which led to my early retirement. Every now and then I will show up at the beach and put on a show with my awesome moves and graceful skills. If you see me in a tuxedo at the beach, be prepared to see some good-ass surfing. –L-Boy

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