By Chaz Kangas
“No one ever climbs a ladder alone,” said Bill Clinton at his Hollywood Bowl fete on Saturday. This makes not a lick of sense. But perhaps he was just taking cues from the world of hip-hop, which is famous for its wildly inaccurate and illogical statements.
No, we didn't go digging through the bank statements of folks like Bow Wow, who once claimed that every time he took a breath he made a million. Instead, we've compiled an assortment of the most dubiously dubious statements ever in rap. Here are our ten favorites.
10. Run DMC – “King of Rock”
“There's three of us / but we're not the Beatles.”
Sure in 1985, when “King of Rock” was released, there only three Beatles alive. But in interview Reverend Run nonetheless revealed that he always thought the Fab Four were a trio. One wonders how confused he must of been when someone explained Ben Folds Five.
9. The Game – “Martians vs. Goblins”
“Mad that DC Comics overlooked me / 'Cause Captain America straight pussy.”
Not that one expects Game to be a comic book nerd, but when he misattributes Marvel comic's flagship character as one of the competition's creations, it's a bit jarring. Also, the song was released only a month after said character was the subject of the summer's biggest film.
8. Pitbull – “I Know You Want Me”
“Now watch him make a movie like Albert Hitchcock.”
Alfred Hitchcock, the man responsible for Psycho and Vertigo, is one of the most famous film makers of all time. Albert Hitchcock, according to Facebook, is an Italian teenager whose favorite quote is “damn alberto, you lookin fine mannn.” Easy mistake.
7. Lil Wayne – “Bring it Back”
“Y'all ain't ready / Break fast like Tom Petty.”
Richard Petty, of Nascar's famed racing family, is one of the sport's most celebrated drivers. He's been known to “break fast” on many occasions. It is doubtful, however, that Tom Petty — of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers fame — even eats breakfast.
6. The Game – “Dreams”
“I woke up from that coma – 2001 / about the same time Dre dropped 2001.”
Dr. Dre's monumental comeback album 2001 actually was released in 1999, and named in response to his former label Death Row's Dre-less compilation Chronic 2000. Game's mistake is a common one made worse by the fact that he not only has Dre executive producing his album, but has N.W.A. tattooed on his chest.
5. Nice and Smooth – “Funky For You”
“Dizzy Gillespie played the sax.”
Dizzy Gillespie was arguably the world's most famous trumpet player.
4. Ghostface Killah – “The Drummer”
“When Biggie Died, they came out with Biggie Fries.”
When the Notorious B.I.G. was shot to death in 1997, a nation mourned. Predatory leeches all over, meanwhile, launched Weekend at Bernie's-style exploitations of his legacy. Wendy's was not a culprit, however, as Biggie Fries have been around since the early '90s.
3. Gangstarr featuring M.O.P. – “Half and Half”
“First family will gradually / Lift that ass up like gravity.”
Lil Fame of M.O.P. is known to mash suckers out, and given how many bodies he's probably stomped until they didn't know which way was up, it's easy to see how he must have gotten the concept of gravity confused.
2. A Tribe Called Quest – “Buggin' Out”
“I float like gravity.”
Here, however, Phife Dog — the funky diabetic who's never had a cavity — gets gravity wrong in an entirely different way. This line was curiously not discussed in Tribe's Beats, Rhymes and Life documentary.
1. Common featuring Canibus – “Making a Name for Ourselves”
“I'm your worst nightmare squared / That's double for niggas who ain't mathematically aware.”
With Canibus' penchant for big words and Common's invite to the White House this year, you would think one of them would have mastered fifth grade math. Yet they both flub the concept of “squared” — in unison, in the chorus — and then proceed to chastise others. Easily the most facepalm-worthy illogical rap lyric moment in history.