The lovely lanes at The Spare Room, shined with the tears of incorporeal former starlets, are indeed functional. But when it comes to bowling at the Roosevelt's recondite cocktail haunt, it's harder to pick up a spare than it is to pick up a pair — a pair of George Esquivel loafers.
The pointy, two-toned Oxfords in butter-soft black and white leather serve as the loaner shoes you get when you step onto the lanes. The shoes do look snazzy, like something Oswald Cobblepot might wear if Tim Gunn suggested he tone down his wardrobe to nonsupervillain levels. They work equally well on men and women, so much so that you may be tempted to forfeit your driver's license and walk off in them. It's a proven fact that, among nonprofessionals, bowling aptitude is inversely proportional to alcohol intake. If you're going to throw gutter ball after gutter ball, you might as well look good doing it.