The Oscars are on Sunday, and if you plan on sitting through the entire show — all 3+ hours of it, with Seth MacFarland as host — well, you might need a little help. Which is why we put together a little drinking game: This, hopefully, will give you something to do while the awards are doled out, agents are thanked (or not) and Russell Crowe sings. For the rules of engagement, grab a carton of Hi-C, your drink of choice and turn the page.
When the show starts, take:
A sip of Hi-C any time someone mispronounces Quvenzhané Wallis's name.
Two sips when her name is pronounced correctly.
Chug the whole carton of juice if she wins the award for Best Actress in a Leading Role.
A sip any time a celebrity tweets that they're headed to In-n-Out after the show.
A shot if the film that wins the award for Best Picture passes the Bechdel Test.
A sip any time an Oscar winner mentions Meryl Streep in their acceptance speech.
A sip any time Life of Pi wins an award.
… Two if you read Life of Pi.
… Three if your cat is named Richard Parker.
… A shot if your cat is named Richard Parker and looks like Tommy Lee Jones.
A sip any time someone marvels over Anne Hathaway's performance of “I Dreamed a Dream” in Les Misérables.
… Two if that person is Hathaway.
… Three if you read the unabridged version of Les Misérables.
… A shot and a baguette if Hathaway wins the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress and works “I dreamed a dream” into her acceptance speech.
Three shots and you're done for the night if the winner for any award pulls a Jodie Foster and comes out on stage.
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