We Angelenos are a complicated people — creatures of emotion, liable to get swept up in even the silliest of crazes. It's important, therefore, to acknowledge when something's not quite living up to the hype. Here is one man's humble contribution: an attempt to cut through the hoopla and set the record straight.
12) Living downtown
Just 'cause your neighborhood has tall buildings doesn't make it the Lower East Side of Manhattan, and just 'cause your apartment building has a rooftop pool doesn't mean your life is just like Entourage.
11) Bike lanes
Hey L.A., if you really care about cyclists, maybe pave the fucking roads once in a while?
Turn the page for more overrated things, including a deceased musician.
He's no Biggie.
9) The Magic Castle
Oh, what, you've never been? Yeah, you have to know a magician to get in. Or a friend of a magician. It's basically a country club for nerds. It costs 20 bucks to go in and you have to wait in line for 45 minutes to see anything more magical than a baked potato.
8) Hating on Scientologists
Along with whatever celebrity has fallen out of favor recently (it's still Bieber, right?), Scientologists are the favorite whipping boys of Angelenos, always good for a cheap laugh. But are they really that much worse than other cult members, like Christians, Jews and Mormons? Last I checked, Scientologists hadn't started any major wars, genocides or mass slaughters. Yet.
Yogurt is delicious. Ice cream is delicious. Did we really need the twain to meet? Is something being gained here?
6) Pour-over coffee
Paying six dollars for a cup of coffee? Sounds like income redistribution to me. Thank you very much, President Obama.
5) Outdoor movie screenings
We'll admit, the hipsters make this look real good, with their picnic baskets and vintage blankets and general physical attractiveness. But even they can't change the fact that lying on the lawn is a fundamentally uncomfortable thing to do. Chairs were invented for a reason. So was shelter.
4) Improv comedy
Bad enough that these things aren't that funny, but they pack the audiences with friends and other improv comedians, who choke on their own laughter at the slightest provocation. Not sure if they're being supportive or caught up by some mass delusion.
Turn the page for more overrated L.A. things, including everyone's favorite beach.
3) Malibu Beach
Malibu remains the go-to beach for nearly anyone living over the poverty line, despite the fact that it is in a different time zone and is no better (or less crowded) than any number of beaches within a reasonable driving distance, including Santa Monica and Manhattan Beach. Even the fine folks at Heal the Bay rate Malibu Pier one of the dirtiest beaches in the state.
2) Vin Scully
The L.A. Times channeled what many Angelenos truly believe when it called Vin Scully “the Voice of L.A.” I don't care if he is the best in the business, or if he's been doing it since the Crimean War. The man talks. During a sporting event. That lasts for three and a half hours and includes only 18 minutes of action.
Scully's voice, however charming, is still only slightly more captivating than the sound of a broken humidifier. If he's the voice of the city, the city needs to read more.
One of the great mysteries of Los Angeles is how the line at Pink's remains 20, 30 people deep, all hours of the day. Who eats at Pink's? It can't be all tourists, can it? Their hot dogs taste like boiled shoe leather.