For all the girls out there who never hooked up with Dane Cook, there’s another cute comedian to chase down the street: Steve Byrne. He’s half Korean, half Irish (Byrne prefers the label Cauc-Asian), is extremely physical and makes lots of noises — on stage that is. Sporting a hyper, priapic stage presence and a suave storytelling tempo, Byrne gripes about the eccentricities of women and metrosexuals — straight guys who cry over Stuart Little and recline like Calvin Klein underwear models in front of other men. “There are only three types of people who can get away with this position,” advises Byrne, “Burt Reynolds, because he’s cool; a magician after a really, really good magic trick; and a father in one of those family portraits above the fire place.” And while the women go wild when Byrne flashes his Velcro wallet or sympathizes with their pains of enduring doggie style, the standup will still kick a lady out of bed for rubbing her cold legs against him. Peppering his bits with a slew of piercing sound effects, from bumpy flat tires to crackling macaroni and cheese, Byrne continually hits the crowd in the gut with his dubbed, Pidgin English rendition of “Bruce Lee Having Sex.” It’s a Byrne standard; one that he uses in an emergency when the blue-collar crowds turn sour. But, girls, if you want to see it at the next show, you’ll have to beg Byrne for it. The Improv, 8162 Melrose Ave., W. Hlywd.; Fri., Sept. 29, 8:30 p.m.; Sat., Sept. 30, 8 & 10 p.m.; $17; Resv. recommended. (323) 651-2583.

—Anthony D’Alessandro

LA Weekly