The Massachusetts Republican had a report yesterday about the Northeast-based restaurant chain Friendly's revamping its image after coming out of bankruptcy. If you've ever eaten at Friendly's, you'll be damn surprised they're still around at all, so bad will your memories of hanging out there in high school be. But the most shocking tidbit of information contained in the article, which was picked up on by Eater, is that from now on, the workers who handle the ice cream portion of the Friendly's enterprise will be referred to as “scoopologists.”

This is clearly a sign of impending doom, and also the obvious trickle-down result of words like “barista” and “mixologist” becoming ubiquitous. So, we thought, if bartenders and ice-cream scoopers are allowed to have fancy pretentious names (sorry mixologists — we love you!!), why shouldn't everyone else? And then we thought, hey, why not ask our brilliant readers for their ideas? Thus, the Stupid Pretentious Food Names contest was born.

Please leave your ideas for feel-good names for other food professionals in the comments section. Or, you can email them to me at Please put “pretentious names” in the subject line. We're looking for names for bussers, sandwich artists (ha), smoothie-jockeys, hostesses, or any other restaurant or food worker who has yet to have some dumb name already assigned other than the obvious one. We'll judge based on humor and creativity. The winner will receive fame, glory, and something else as well. Not sure what yet. But it'll be awesome, promise.

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