There's a scene in the first season of HBO's “Girls” where Hannah (Lena Dunham) goes home to Michigan to visit her parents, and winds up having sex with someone she knew from high school who now works as a pharmacist at the local drugstore. While he wants sweet, straightforward love-making, she begins talking dirty to him using phrases she picked up from her kinky New York boyfriend, such as “Do I feel tight like a baby?”
We're not saying that hooking up with someone from your past will leave you ranting about whether your vagina resembles that of an infant, but we are saying that such a romantic endeavor has both benefits and drawbacks that you might want to think about. Here's a short list of considerations, based on who the hook-up could potentially be with. Feel free to print and laminate the next time you find yourself back in Dodge…
The person who was cooler than you
Pro: If they wind up developing feelings for you, all of a sudden YOU WIN.
Con: If you wind up developing feelings for them and then they never call you again, you will be hurled backwards in time emotionally and relive the high school lunchroom dynamic for weeks on end.
The person you didn't realize you went to high school with until halfway through the hook-up
Pro: If you're going to hook up with someone from high school, this is probably the way to go. You might have a private moment of awkwardness as faded memories of that kid who sat two rows behind you in French class come sharpening into view and you figure out what's currently happening, but at the end of the day you have very little to lose.
Con: Not much.
The person you were in love with for all four years
Pro: You will probably finally be over it.
Con: You will absolutely murder your longstanding romantic fantasy that there's someone out there who's dreamy and perfect in a “Say Anything” kind of way, and you will also gut your sweet and innocent memories of high school love.
The person who was in love with you for all four years
Pro: They'll probably try to make it really good.
Con: There's no way that you can live up to the dream. Sorry.
The person your friend was in love with for all four years
Pro: Very little good can come of this. Abort mission.
Con: Remember your friend? ABORT MISSION.
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