As you probably already know, Republican presidential contender Rick Santorum is no friend of the gay and lesbian nation.

He sparked a furor in 2003 when he told Associated Press he was against gay sex and sodomy. LA Weekly (and nationally syndicated) columnist Dan Savage responded with a campaign to redefine the word Santorum.

The winning entry:

That frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.

The meaning took hold, and pretty much anyone who remembers the time can't, well, swallow Santurum's bid for the Republican presidential nomination this year — at least not with a straight face.

This alternate Santorum has reemerged as the candidate surged in the Iowa Caucus this week, coming in number two. Puns intended. As seattlepi.com put it:

Savage is getting to bask in Santorum's reflected limelight, and newfound national noteriety, after the former senator's surprise tie with Mitt Romney in Tuesday's Iowa presidential cancuses.

With this in mind, it's hard to read some recent Rick Santorum headlines without gagging a little. Here is our Top 10 list, with our own comments and with some words redacted for emphasis and effect:

Dan Savage.

Dan Savage.

10. Pro-Santorum SuperPAC …

We're not sure anyone is truly pro-Santorum, but a SuperPAC could almost surely bring out the Santorum in anyone.

9. Santorum Dials 911 for Sex Police …

Wow. It's hard to imagine a batch of Santorum so frothy and bacterial that it has the power to get up on its own and walk over to the phone.

8. … Santorum's Clean Image Is Tainted …

Ya think?

7. The holes in Rick Santorum's tax plan

So many holes (so little time).

6. Santorum comes from behind …

A no brainer, sure, but it's nice to see Glenn Beck peg this one.

5. … Santorum is neither green nor good

Hard to disagree here. Never met Santorum we liked, personally.

4. … Santorum was full of surprises …

If you go there (and you know you do), you kind of know to expect Santorum, so this must have been a particularly dirty bugger.

3. Boston TV station nails Santorum

Clean up on camera 5.

2. … Santorum in the Hot Seat Again …

And again and again.

1. Suddenly surging Santorum soaks up surprise scenario: swelling crowds

Santorum is almost always “suddenly surging” and the swelling is just part of the experience.

We wish Rick the best and hope to see him on top of the pack, towel in-hand, soon.

[@dennisjromero / djromero@laweekly.com / @LAWeeklyNews]

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