It was a simple Tweet that kicked off the great Sandwich-Burrito War of 2011. Actor Jason Segel, star of the most recent Muppets movie (and Freaks & Greaks, How I Met Your Mother, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, etc.) innocently Tweeted: “Now that Muppets is out I can say the things I've been wanting to. Top 5 sandwiches: BLT, grilled cheese, Reuben, tuna melt, pb&j.” That's a man after our own heart.
What does @jasonsegel get for dropping the truth? Anger, hate and bitter recriminations from stalwart burrito warriors. Segel lets loose a volley of explanatory, defensive and, eventually, conciliatory Tweets, but the damage is done. The chasm between the burrito crowd and the sandwich crowd may never be bridged. That's fine with us.
Stay strong, our Brother In Bread. You are on the side of all that is honest, true and right. We too have nothing against the burrito, but just as turkey can never be cow, burrito can never be sandwich. Like a smart and beautiful woman, the sandwich is infinitely complex, instantly desirable and often infuriatingly messy.
Jason: Gird your loins and grab some Cheddar. (Okay, maybe wash your hands first.) Prepare yourself for battle. Whatever you do, don't back down. Stay strong. The supremacy of the sandwich must never be diminished.
Elina Shatkin is a staff writer at LA Weekly. Follow her at @elinashatkin or contact her at email@example.com.