Too lazy to join 25,000 Angelenos (and motivated outsiders) on the 26-mile Los Angeles Marathon route this Sunday? Well, you should probably be ashamed of yourself, because even the 400-pound “Fat Man” in today's Los Angeles Times isn't too lazy to make the trek. But we'll give it to you anyway: The Times' super awesome virtual tour along the marathon's new route, a runner's-eye-view of potholes, pee spots and palm trees from Dodger Stadium to the Santa Monica coast.

Ready, set…

The backward-moving cars are kind of barf-inducing, but it's a small price to pay for not dying of a heart attack and smelling like B.O. for the rest of March. Or, if you're more into kinky anime shit, here's a computer-generated version of the run-through:

So go hunt down a Hot Pocket in your microwave with bare hands, tilt a portable fan full-blast on your face and take a YouTube trip down the L.A. concrete with the best of 'em. (And if you start feeling too lame to live, don't worry — there's still a chance to register for the real thing.)

In other Los Angeles Marathon news:

• The “Fat Man” says: “I have to prove to myself I can do this. Just gonna keep my head down. If I look up… it'll be too much.” Meanwhile, the Times says, “His fleshy body is devoid of angles.” We're officially petrified.

• The lamest headline in the history of the Contra-Costa Times has been unleashed: “The stage is set, and so are marathoners' goals

• You will never be as good as these freaks: “Best Finishes in Los Angeles Marathon History

• Don't expect to drive anywhere. Street closures abound, from Mid-City to West Hollywood to Brentwood and beyond.

• To all those with the balls to do it live: Good luck!


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