As some nerds already know, Google has dabbled in predictive text for your computer in a new program called Scribe. It's like when you're trying to text “I'm feeling better” and instead your phone types “I'm feeling wetter,” but now it's on your computer.
Why would you want this? To create funny ass shizz, that's why! Some humans across the internet have been using Scribe to finish notable quotations by scholars or something, while others are trying to make funny songs.
But we know what you're wondering: Can Google get sexxxy?
That's what we wanted to find out, so we turned to the king of slow jam sensuality: R. Kelly. We took some of our favorite Kels joints and plugged them into the Scribe to see if a computer can have a heart.
And the results?
Well, check em out:
I Believe I Can Fly
I believe I can fly,
I believe I can touch
and feel your best interests
at heart and
[Aw yeah, Google? You look goooood yourself!]
Bump and grind
I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump and shock absorption. [repeat 4x]
Sex in the Kitchen
Girl you're in the kitchen
Cooking me a meal
Something makes me wanna come in there and get a feel
Walk around in your head and neck cancer.
[what a downer, Goog. Thanks.]
Trapped in the Closet:
And now I'm in this darkest closet, tryin' to figure out
Just how I'm gonna get my crazy ass up out this house
Then he walks in and yells, “I'm home”
She says, “Honey, I'm in the room”
He walks in there with a smile on his face
Sayin', “Honey, I've been missin' you”
She hops all over him
And says: “no way near small creeks and streams”
[Google is worried about our waterways]
The Greatest Sex
The greatest you
The greatest me
We have found the greatest chemistry
The greatest touch
The greatest risk of infection
[Wrap it before you tap it, Googz!]
I Like the Crotch on You
I like the … with big booties in 'em
I like the crotch on you
I want what you've got baby
Girl I like your style and color of their skin
but by the time they are notified of their status
as an independent contractor relationship
and shall not be considered fully human
[Damn, Google. You're so harsh! And a little racist…]
Try Scribe out for yourself and let us know what you get in the comments!