This stupid (alleged) criminal makes his non-home way up in the San Luis Obispo boonies, but the story of his arrest — a modern-day detective's epic — deserves a re-telling down here in L.A. (If only so we might learn from one particularly facepalmin' sex offender's mistakes.)

It all began with a stroke of bad luck: Robert Nicholas McGuire, 35, was recognized in downtown SLO by sheriff's detectives on the Sexual Assault Felony Enforcement team. Wrong dudes to run into. Reads the sheriff's report:

As one detective followed the man, another checked the probation terms of the registered sex offender. They followed the man to the Apple store on Higuera St. where he entered and began to log on to the internet from a display computer. Another detective went to the computer next to the man and logged on to the Megan's law website. At about the same time the probation term information was received that clearly indicated McGuire was prohibited from using the internet. McGuire had logged on to his Facebook page.

Seeing as McGuire has a child-pornography conviction under his belt, he's not exactly permitted to browse the Internet at whim — much less stalk unsuspecting teens on Facebook. So the homeless kiddie creeper was arrested for violating parole as soon as he left the Apple Store. (Wouldn't want to disrupt the shiny-happy iLife within, now would we!)

Dumb as McGuire may be for even having a Facebook, given his charges, he wasn't completely oblivious to Wednesday's operation. The report continues:

“McGuire made a statement to detectives that he thought he was being followed after the man standing next to him logged onto the Megan's Law site.”

You know, that other Facebook. The one for bad guys. McGuire's “profile” lists him as a small, blue-eyed white man with one count of “POSSESS OR CONTROL OBSCENE MATTER DEPICTING MINOR IN SEXUAL CONDUCT.” Ew.

Note to homeless pedophiles: We know social media is addicting, but you're probably better off babbling to the pigeons. Thanks, Megan's Law, for taking another iPerv — and stupid (alleged) criminal — off the streets of California. And the bowels of the Interwebs, to boot.


LA Weekly