See also: *Our Real Housewives archives

1. Brandi Glanville (Last week: 4)

Not only did Brandi get (what appears to be) a free trip to Paris, Yolanda Foster threw in a pair of designer shoes because she looked lonely. Dammit if it doesn't it pay to be the poor girl in this group.

2. Kyle Richards (Last week: 2)

Kyle was riding high last night at the opening of her new Beverly Hills store, Kyle by Alene Too, which is apparently full of colorful, rhinestoney designer fashions priced to scare the bejeesus out of Midwestern tourists. All the Housewives were there, including the feuding ones, because Kyle's instilled just enough fear in everyone for them to avoid getting on her bad side but not enough to consider her a tyrant, which is the essence of Kyle's true power.

Kevin Lee with the Vanderpump-Todds; Credit:

Kevin Lee with the Vanderpump-Todds; Credit:

3. Kevin Lee (Last week: Not ranked)

Kevin Lee (a.k.a. the Asian Franck from Father of the Bride) is set to trick Lisa Vanderpump into spending yet another million dollars on a party by using the magic words “shee shee shee,” which strike fear in any Beverly Hills resident that they'll otherwise look cheap in front of their neighbors.

4. Kim Richards (Last week: 3)

Since the dawn of RHOBH time, Kim has been full of excuses. Last night Kim gave Kyle yet another excuse for her not-so-lucid behavior in Paris. The reason: Kim mixed up one prescription pill with some other prescription pill that apparently makes her Anna Nicole Smithish. The difference last night? Her excuse was actually true.

Yolanda Foster with husband David Foster; Credit:

Yolanda Foster with husband David Foster; Credit:

5. Yolanda Foster (Last week: 5)

See above. Grody.

6. Adrienne Maloof (Last week: 7)

Well, we've lost interest.

7. Dana Wilkey (Last week: Not ranked)

Oh God, Dana. You're rebuffed from being a full-fledged RHOBH-er only to make cameos like this?

8. Taylor Armstrong (Last week: Not ranked)

For being the Dana Wilkey gateway.

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