See also: *Our Real Housewives archives

1. Taylor Armstrong (Last week: 5)

Just because you're calling the shots doesn't mean you're using your powers for good, but still, Taylor and her rosé-lubricated mouth ended up running the show at Lisa Vanderpump's tea party. (We use the word “tea” loosely since all anyone did there was booze.)

Slurry as she may have been, Taylor's snide comments dictated the direction of the conversation. She blurted out that Marisa Zanuck is tired of having sex with her husband, launching Marisa into a defensive tailspin in which she finally concluded, “I'd like to have sex with someone else.” Way to disprove THAT theory, Marisa.

But most boldfaced was Taylor's quip at the table that everyone around here sues everyone else, causing a ricochet of uncomfortable glances to whip through the party. Taylor was, of course, referencing the letter allegedly sent by Adrienne Maloof's camp to Brandi Glanville's attorney in reaction to Brandi's (also alleged) disclosure that the Adrienne used a surrogate. Despite Lisa taking Taylor aside for a private lashing, Taylor, beefed up on drunk muscles, rejoined the table and immediately sparked a confrontation about whether or Adrienne had in fact sent a letter.

Adrienne: “Absolutely not!”

Brandi: “I have the letter.”

Adrienne: “Shame on you.”

Brandi: “Shame on YOU.”

Taylor: “More Vanderpump vodka, please.”

2. Kyle Richards (Last week: 6)

When it comes to this beef between Kyle and Lisa, we're mostly on #TeamKyle. Lisa's still mad at Kyle for not defending her when Adrienne accused her of selling a story to the tabloids. Then that anger got piled on when Kyle proceeded to not defend Lisa when Camille Grammer accused her of not owning SUR.

But Kyle correctly pointed out (we think) that any attempt Kyle would make to defend her would just be more people fighting, and that doesn't help anything. Plus Lisa has proven time and again she's perfectly capable of defending herself. She may want to let Brandi give that a try instead of jumping in on her behalf every other minute. Maybe Lisa just likes to fight…

Lisa Vanderpump at "tea"; Credit:

Lisa Vanderpump at “tea”; Credit:

3. Lisa Vanderpump (Last week: 3)

All that said, the lady does throw a bomb ass tea party.

4. Brandi Glanville (Last week: 1)

If we were getting sued, we'd likely not have the balls to face our sue-er at a breezy cocktail party. And if we were lying about getting sued, we definitely wouldn't have the balls to face our faux-suer at a breezy cocktail party. Either way, Brandi's got 'em.

5. Kim Richard's Dog (Last week: Not ranked)

For bopping her in the nose and keeping Kim out this mess.

6. Yolanda Foster (Last week: 7)

That is bullshit that she can't afford more than one horse and we all know it.

7. Adrienne Maloof (Last week: 4)

Sorry, Adrienne, but right now, your side of the story just doesn't seem believable. Perhaps you never filed a suit, but we find it hard to believe that someone worried about getting sued for a “lie” would make up another lie about getting sued. If you're taking legal action, at least own it.

Follow Ali Trachta on Twitter at @MySo_CalLife and for more arts news follow @LAWeeklyArts and like us on Facebook.

Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting LA Weekly and our advertisers.