See also: *Our Real Housewives archives

1. Brandi Glanville (Last week: 7)

Omg, how much do you want to attend something called “Brandi's Night School Out for Girls?” That can't possibly be what it's officially titled because it makes no grammatical sense, but still.

Kim Richards, spooked by the ghost in the fireplace; Credit:

Kim Richards, spooked by the ghost in the fireplace; Credit:

2. Kim Richards (Last week: 3)

Kim is already surrounded by the souls of her unborn children and a maternal figure who watches over her, sayeth the latest spirit guide who's visited Kim's house. Although there's someone hiding in the fireplace too, which could be problematic.

3. Kyle Richards (Last week: 5)

Kyle didn't make a peep when Brandi told Mauricio to “go fuck yourself, motherfucker” or whatever she said. Brandi's not that scary. We were disappointed the old-school finger-pointing Kyle never showed up. Still, could you not see the mercury immediately rise on her street cred barometer the second Paris Hilton walked into that gallery opening? All the other Housewives tensed up and Kyle was all, “Hey, niece.”

Yolanda Foster not buying it, literally; Credit:

Yolanda Foster not buying it, literally; Credit:

4. Yolanda Foster (Last week: 6)

We sincerely hate bumping Yolanda up at all in this order, but if you can negotiate a $14,000 painting down to about half price, you're doing something right.

5. Lisa Vanderpump (Last week: 2)

For someone who talks an awful lot about not holding grudges and moving on and whatever, she's sure giving Mauricio a hard time over a petty little thing. So he disagreed with Ken about how Brandi should handle Adrienne. So what. He apologized with a bottle of booze, didn't he? That shoulder is awful cold, Lisa.

6. Adrienne Maloof (Last week: 4)

Who goes to New York for “fresh air?”

7. Taylor Armstrong (Last week: 1)

Ooph. We figured when you're mourning your abusive husband while fighting off his multi-million dollar debts you got a pass to complain, but considering everyone is apparently so sick of hearing her talk about it, there must be massive amounts of annoying chatter out of her that even the Bravo cameras are sparing us.

8. Marisa Zanuck's husband (Last week: Not Ranked)

Oh man. We can only imagine that you (what's your name? Dean?), the indie film producer, appeared reluctantly on this show for the sake of your fame-hungry wife, only for her to quack loudly about how she's not sure she should have married you. Well, she didn't say that, but she basically said that. Look dude, you're a Hugh Grant look-alike who's apparently willing to sit through televised dinners in which semi-plastic crazies scream nonsense at each other so that your wife, whom you clearly adore, can get her 15 minutes, so we hope she's feeling really, really badly about all this.

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