An inter-office memo landed in my spam filterinbox this morning suggesting I give some love today in honor of Halloween.

The memo was signed AV Flox. Of course, she needs my help. I'm flattered.

So this is a big city, and though most nights in Hollywood are excuses for women to dress up like whores and men to be loud and embarrass themselves, Halloween is an extra-special exception.

Ladies: Take any character you see in your daily life. Add the adjective “slutty” and you've got a costume. Bad-a-bing.

  • Slutty bank teller –> Unbutton the shirt, take the hair down and stuff money in your bra.
  • Slutty construction worker –> Wear a bikini underneath an orange safety vest and make sure your “SLOW” sign is insertable.
  • Slutty Crazy Girls stripper –> Smile.

Gents: Just buy a stupid mask on Melrose or wear a Bedazzled fedora and call yourself Ed Hardy. Just put on something that'll hide your face (in case you're a little ugly) and allow you to make a complete ass of yourself.

Cuz chances are you're gonna get laid anyway. Chicks totally put out on Halloween. It's science.

Oh right, back to my forced point. Wanna know what parties to douche out to this weekend? will tell you.

Tell AV Flox I said “Hi.” She'll be the one in the corner chain smoking in a fur stole waiting for her iPhone to refresh.

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