FRIDAY, May 16
Stefan Haves has been a juggler and street clown in Paris and was later hired by Cirque du Soleil as director of clown corps. Suffice to say, the guy knows how to work a red rubber nose. He presents Master Pieces Theater, an evening of circus, dance and visual comedy. Getty Center, 1200 Getty Center Dr., Brentwood; Fri., May 16, 7:30 p.m.; free (reservation list is full, but standby tickets should be available). (310) 440-7300.
SATURDAY, May 17
Nostalgia hound Charles Phoenix — a fellow who has proven that digging up other people’s discarded family slides from a dumpster can lead to a fulfilling career — presents The Moonlight Rollerway Jubilee. Mr. Phoenix will show slides of old-timey roller rinks (hell, you might be in one!). “World’s greatest roller rink organist” Dominic Cangelosi will accompany you as you wobble around and around. There damn well better be a bar. Moonlight Rollerway, 5110 San Fernando Road, Glendale; Sat., May 17, 8 p.m. (sold out); Sun., May 18, 3 p.m.; $35. (818) 241-3630; www.charlesphoenix.com.
Cheaper than roller-skating in Glendale and providing actual entertainment is Children Affected by AIDS Foundation Night of Comedy VI, hosted by Doris Roberts, with Ray Romano, Sarah Silverman, Bryan Callen, Drew Carey and Fred Willard. Good cause, good comics. Wilshire Theater, 8440 Wilshire Blvd., Beverly Hills; Sat., May 17, 8 p.m.; $30 & up. (310) 258-0850.
SUNDAY, May 18
It must be belly ’cause jam don’t shake like dat: Raqs L.A. is a two-day festival of all things related to the dance of the belly: workshops, performances, Mediterranean food … um, more performances. If you’re a fan, then maybe these names will do something for you: Ansuya, Jillina, Bozenka, Sonia, Helena Vlahos, Sabah, Kami Liddle, Dickie Swisher. Yes, that last one is a fake. Glendale Civic Auditorium, 1401 N. Verdugo Road, Glendale; Sat.-Sun., May 17-18. Call or see Web site for thoroughly confusing ticket-pricing plan: (323) 512-4080, Ext. 224; www.raqsla.com.
MONDAY, May 19
If it’s the third Monday of the month, it must be Duncan Trussell Saves the World, “a true exploration of happiness that utilizes science and comedy.” No, I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but there’s a preshow puppy adoption in the lobby. Steve Allen Theatre at the Center for Inquiry–West, 4773 Hollywood Blvd., Hlywd.; Mon., May 19, 8 p.m.; $10. (323) 666-4268.
TUESDAY, May 20
Todd Glass knows about “time liars.” Many time liars work for L.A. Weekly. They insist that their new commutes to Culver City from, say, Echo Park or Studio City or Mount Washington take just 20 minutes. Here is what Mr. Glass would say to them: “STOP LYING! WHAT ARE YOU — LIVING IN YOUR OWN LIE? IT’S NOT 20 MINUTES AWAY IN A HELICOPTER AT 3 IN THE MORNING!” Unfortunately, he’s not on the bill at this week’s Open Mic of Love, but host Vance Sanders will definitely find something to make us laugh about the colossal nonjoke that traffic has become in this town. With Guy Branum, Ray Desai, Avi Liberman, Heather Thomson, Jan Davidson and James Patterson. Westwood Brewery, 1097 Glendon Ave., Wstwd.; Tues., May 20, 8 p.m.; free. (310) 824-0820.
WEDNESDAY, May 21
We need to get more lawyers out of the courtroom and onto the comedy stage. It’s Criminal — Getting People Off & Other Legal Fantasies is the show that attorney Murray Meyer calls “a comedic look at the daily life of one criminal defense lawyer [me] in Los Angeles. My take on the daily menu of mishegaas — and I’m not just talking about my clients — that I deal with every day.” M Bar, 1253 N. Vine St., Hlywd.; Wed., May 21, 8 p.m.; no cover, $10 food min. at tables. (323) 856-0036.
THURSDAY, May 22
“Dane Cook is worse than Hitler. At least Hitler had a point of view. Do you think people drive home from a Dane Cook concert and go, ‘Oh my God — we’ve been had! There wasn’t a goddamn joke within a hundred miles of his act”? That Andy Kindler, he kills me. He’s on an outstanding comedy tour called Stand Uppity, which pulls into town at the Echoplex, with Marc Maron, whose new beard makes him look like Lenny Kaye, and Eugene Mirman. It’s sponsored by comedy site 23/6 (www.236.com), so you comedy-in-the-know-heads will act accordingly. Echoplex, 1154 Glendale Ave., Echo Park; Thurs., May 22, 7 p.m.; $18; www.ticketweb.com.
Morrissey would have been 49 today. What? He’s not dead? Well, when that day does come, can you even imagine how his hordes of slick-haired, self-worth-seeking fans will grieve? Can you say “Day of Moping”? More like a year of moping. Sweet and Tender Hooligans celebrate the birthday of their holy Taurus with Morrissey’s 49th Unhappy Birthday. House of Blues, 8430 Sunset Blvd., W. Hlywd.; Thurs., May 22, 8 p.m.; $15. (213) 480-3232.