Updated after the jump with a NSFW PHOTO of the naked freeway runner! Plus, a “Real Housewife” Tweets witness, and the attack victim speaks.

Only in Los Angeles.

KNX news radio was a-buzz with reports of a stark-naked man doing his thing on the 405 North this morning.

It's still not clear exactly what that thing was, but word is he attacked a woman at about 8:45 a.m. (Gross.) He then managed to make his way off the 405 exit onto Santa Monica Boulevard — right where Kelly Shimizu was killed by a tractor-trailer last week — before the LAPD was able to catch up with him.

The 405 is normally among the worst routes for rush-hour traffic, but this particular morning, we're going to go out on a limb and say it was the hands-down best.

Let us know if you had the pleasure (or pain) of witnessing the naked freeway man for yourself.

Update: The West L.A. police station informs City News Service that the man actually attacked the woman after exiting the freeway for Santa Monica Boulevard. He was arrested at 9 a.m. for indecent exposure.

Otherwise, Sergeant R. Rabbett is being stingy with the deets: “We got reports of a naked man running in the street and detained him,” he said. “If he's taken for a 5150 (a 72-hour psychiatric hold), there's not much I can tell you about him.''

On the other hand, there are about 200 commuters who can probably tell you more about him than you ever wanted to know.

Update: “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” — they're just like us! Alpha brunette Kyle Richards (who may be inching toward the reality show's emergency exit) was apparently sitting in 405 traffic with the commoners today. And guess what she saw:

Another fine female guilty of Tweeting while driving, fashion blogger @NicoletteLacson, saw the subsequent fight on Santa Monica Boulevard:

Lacson then waxes TMI:

And we don't know who this guy is, but he's got a point:

AND FINALLY, the moment you've been waiting for: Pics! Many thanks to @DoNbLiNg247 for the goods.

Credit: don bling via Twitter

Credit: don bling via Twitter

Scroll down for more intricate accounts of the morning commute from Weekly commenters, including “He looked upset and was reaching for something imaginary out in front of him, as if he was trying to catch it” and something about “streaking, flopping, and sweating.” The 405 never looked so fly.

Update: Mediabistro approves — for the same reasons they often don't.

Update: Weekly commenter Lenore claims she was the unfortunate soul to cross paths with the naked man this morning:

“I'm the woman he attacked! He argued with me for a while and then when I got out my phone to call the cops he grabbed me, grabbed my phone out of my hands, and tried to tug my purse away. Luckily another guy helped me get the phone back!”

Hey, if you just flashed your sweaty balls to a freewayful of West L.A. commuters and bore your behind to the rest of the Internet, might as well get a free cellphone out of it, right? Here's Lenore's rough account of the tussle:

Him: Hey, can I get some money? I need to get clothes, I…

Me: I only have change (true), so… *offers some change hoping to get him to go away*

Him: No, no, I need like 10 bucks. Why not give me that nice book (a nice edition of The Dark Tower)? I can sell that for five bucks on eBay, easy.

Me: No, no you can't have my book. I need it. Go away.

Him: It's for a good cause!

Me: No. Please leave me alone.


Me: Look, I'll call the cops, and they can get you somewhere with clothes.

Him: Okay, okay.

Me: *starts to dial*

Him: WAIT! *lunges, grabs, fighting starts*

While we were fighting I was just screaming to get attention and he was going I NEED TO STOP THE CALL!

For lack of a better word… LOL.

Originally posted at 9:30 a.m.


LA Weekly